It's a....

GIRL!!!! We think :o) Haha! So at the ultrasound yesterday everything looked great and when asked if we wanted to know the sex we both quickly responded...yes, that's why we're here at only 16 weeks...hehe...we're so bad! She did some looking and started typing on the screen "I'M A GIRL." I started kinda laughing...that kind of giddy excited laugh that you just can't control...a little girl, oh my! What a blessing! She pointed out the 3 lines that indicate her girly parts (it just looked like 3 little lines to me...these ultraound technicians are amazing...I really don't know how they do it!!). Anyway...she started looking at everything else, so I proded her some more and was like, "so would you say you're about 75% sure it's a girl" (cause I've heard with girls, they sometime's get it wrong...if it's a boy, it's a pretty obvious thing)...she replied "we'll go back and check again at the end." Which we did after trying to get some other pictures of her...she didn't make it easy though because she was sitting up with her feet tucked neetly under her butt...it was the oddest position! The tech kept shaking the wand on my stomach to try and get her to move around...I think she was tired though b/c I chugged a glass of OJ on my way to the appointment at my sister's recommendation to give her a little sugar high so she would be active during the u/s for this exact reason. It kinda backfired though when we had to sit in the waiting room for over 30 minutes...so needless to say, I think we got her coming down OFF the sugar high...haha! We were able to see the 3 lines a couple more times though and the u/s tech confirmed...she pretty much positive it's a girl...and even recommended painting the room.... When we talked to my OB after though he said he definitely agreed with her assessment, but that at 16 weeks there is still a possiblity that it could just be a late developing boy...and that all babies "look" like girls at first. So he said we could start shopping, but recommended we hold on to the receipts :o) We get to go back in 3 weeks on January 11th to see her again because they couldn't get a good look at a few of her organs, so by then they said they should be able to confirm it. So for now, I'm thinking girly thoughts, picking out girly bedding, etc...but will not be totally going crazy until we get the official thumbs up that our little June bug is in fact going to be an Autumn!

Wishing you all a Very Blessed Christmas and a Miraculous New Year!!

The weeks keep on flying by...

Once again it's been a busy week and finding the time to post obviously didn't make the list of priorities...it is the holiday season though so I'm sure you all understand. I have to tell you the week started off last Sunday with a Baptism for my niece Sophie. And unfortunately, what started out with a nice little ceremony with family and friends, turned into a priest telling everyone just what he thought about the practice of in vetro fertilization. I think his exact quote was something like "It's so wonderful to celebrate the life of little Sophie, especially when the world is filled with such blasphemious things as abortion and in vetro fertilization" Um, what?? The fact that he's going to group abortion and in vetro fertilization into the same category!?! I'm sorry, but I don't think he understands that the first of those things is destroying life...killing innocent little babies that have no chance at the life they were meant to lead. And the second, is creating life...creating little babies that might have otherwise never made it to this earth. And if you ask me, just like all babies, in vetro babies are a special blessing from God and his opinion can in no way take away from the fact that the baby I'm carrying IS a gift from God!! I understand that there are people who abuse the medical practice of IVF...and make embryo creation more of a sport, where they pick the ones they want and discard the rest...or do selective reduction because they aren't prepared to carry multiples. But for most of us, it is not like that at all! The creation of an embryo is the creation of a baby...and not one single one is destroyed...they are all given the chance to grow and mature into what will one day be our children!! And I'm sorry that his mindset is too narrow to understand that, but maybe it would be different if he had to walk in the shoes of an infertile for awhile!

Ok, I will get off my soapbox now...phew! Thanks for letting me vent! In other news we had our OB appointment on December 10th...and everything looked and sounded great. My dr. didn't have time to do an ultrasound, but we did get to hear little june bugs heartbeat on the doppler so that still made for a great visit! AND...he is letting us come back in this coming Monday to hopefully find out if it's a boy or a girl!!! We'll be just over 16 weeks so it's a little early, but I know plenty of people that found out that early, so I'm just hoping and praying we'll be able to as well!! That would be a great Christmas present...to tell everyone the baby is healthy and that it's an...Autumn or Noah!! I'll definitely let you know if we find out!!

The 2nd trimester is here!

So as of Saturday we are 14 weeks and officially in the 2nd trimester!! Woohoo! And to celebrate we bought the nursery furniture! Here is a picture of it...although we actually got it in the espresso color which you'll see in the picture below with the full size bed. The crib actually converts into a toddler bed and then the full size bed you see below. Pretty cool!! We got all the pieces you see in the two pictures except the hutch. So we have a crib, a dresser/changing table, a nightstand, and a tall 4 drawer dresser! We are all set. All we need now is a rocker of some kind, the bedding, and some decorations!! They will likely be delivering it in the next few weeks since it was a floor model so it's time to clean out the office to make room!!




Besides furniture, so far the second trimester has brought with it some naseau...which to me seems very strange since the second trimester is when all this is supposed to end, but I guess everyone is different. I'm finally starting to understand what the other girls have been talking about this whole time. Up until a few weeks ago everything smelled and tasted amazing to me! It was like my nose and taste buds had a whole new life!! I loved it! Now half the things I smell make me feel sick and eating has become more of a function than an enjoyment. Hopefully it will pass, but if not I will surely live with it.

Lastly I've been busy be-dazzling myself some shirts. I made a "body by baby" shirt to get me through this transition of..."is she pregnant or just getting fat" and a "what's kickin" shirt for when I get a little more round and hopefully start feeling the little one kickin around in there! Here are some pictures of those as well.



We go back to the OB on Thursday and I cannot wait!! It seems like it's been forever!! I'm going to try and talk him in to doing an ultrasound to see if we can tell if it's a boy or a girl yet...and just to be able to get another peek at our little june bug! I don't know if he'll agree, but I figure it's worth a try. If not, our BIG ultrasound should be the first week of January...so we'll know soon if it's going to be Autumn or Noah!!

So Very Thankful!

Jacob and I have a LOT to be thankful for! We both have great jobs, a beautiful house, wonderful friends and family who we care about a great deal and who care about us, a God who always provides for us...even when it's not in the ways or at the time we're expecting. And this year we get to add to that the amazing little life growing inside of me as we speak! It's hard to imagine a life more wonderful or fulfilling! We are truly blessed!!

I know I've been slacking on the posts lately, but it's been pretty uneventful...no funny stories or boring talk of my ailments :o) We have received a few more presents...a beautiful picture frame with a poem about the miracle of our little one, a swaddling blanket, and a little stuffed animal with soothing sounds to lull the baby to sleep. Speaking of lulling the baby to sleep...I read recently that our little June bug should be able to hear my voice now...so because I love to sing and plan to sing him or her many a lullaby, I've been trying to sing more often so he can get used to my voice...I know there is plenty of time for that, but might as well start now!

In other news...I have bought a few maternity clothes. I haven't started wearing the pants yet although I feel like it will probably only be a few more weeks. My stomach is definitely starting to protrude and although the belle band is nice, it's just not all that comfortable. I'm hoping the full up maternity pants will be better!

So as I continue to count our blessings...here's wishing you all a wonderfully Happy Thanksgivng! I hope you have many, many blessing to be thankful for this year!!

Countdown to 2nd Trimester: 10 days!!

Countdown to the 2nd Trimester!

Ok, ok…I may be jumping the gun a little bit since we still have like two and a half weeks until we are officially in the second trimester, but I can't help myself! If seems like it's a huge milestone that I've just been wishing and waiting for for SOOOOO long that I can't help but try to find the fast forward button to it! I'll try and contain myself though! But there's no harm in starting the "countdown clock" right? We all know I love to countdown to things, so consider it started now…:o)

In other good news I did make it through last week without being sick…well almost. I wasn't actually sick, but I did have a pinched nerve in my back/shoulder that made it nearly impossible to turn my head to the left. It was quite fun, especially while driving when really you just have to look left sometimes…to ensure you are not about to plow in to the car next to you…haha! It is almost back to normal now though…so yeah!!

Now on to my second OB appointment!! Jacob did not come with me to this one because the nurse told me at the end of the last appointment that we would not have an U/S. Plus with his new job I didn't want him to have to worry about taking off work. So when Dr. Chen comes in, he's like, "where's Jacob"…I laughed and said, "Oh, he only comes to the fun appointments." Dr. Chen says, "Oh, well we are going to scan you today." Oops…sorry Jacob…luckily I got a few pics to take home to him. But he did miss a great ultrasound!! First off…this one was on my belly…I gratuated from the lovely internal ultrasounds…woohoo!! And second…we heard June Bug's heartbeat…around 140 bpm this time…significantly slower than the 173 two weeks ago…which Dr. Chen said is perfectly normal for it to change a lot…guess that throws Jacob's Mom's guess that it's a girl based on the high heartbeat out the window :o) And third…we saw the baby move!! Soooo amazing!! I guess according to the books he is moving around quite a bit in there, but since he's currently only the size of a lemon I don't feel it yet…hopefully soon though! I can't wait! Dr. Chen said everything looked perfect and that I didn't need to come back for another month! He did confirm that we will NOT be having another U/S until the big one…i.e., finding out if our little June bug is going to be a Noah or an Autumn!! That will likely come the first week of January! Far away I know, but thankfully I have all the fun holidays to look forward to, so I'm sure it will be here before I know it!!

Countdown to 2nd Trimester: 18 days!

It's always something…

I am so thankful that so far, this pregnancy has been very easy as far as pregnancy symptoms go…besides a twinge of naseau (not even enough to have me headed for the toilet) and some slight indegestion...I really haven't had much of anything. The little one is being very kind to me so far…and I'm so very grateful. I haven't been feeling exactly great though over the past 10 weeks…you all heard about my lovely allergic reaction…well the rash is almost completely gone now and I've been able to ween myself off the claritin that my dr. prescribed, but just when I thought I could feel normal for a little bit…my body had other plans! Last Tuesday night right before bed I had a slight sore throat…nothing major…but enough to be noticed…and then...I woke up Wednesday morning feeling like utter and total crap! My throat hurt so bad I avoided swallowing as much as I possibly could! My whole body ached and the thought of getting out of bed made me cringe! I notified my boss that I would not be coming in and went back to bed until the doctors office opened. I was able to get an appointment that afternoon. I was sure it was strep…I wasn't stuffy or coughing or anything…it was just a straight sore throat, but the test that afternoon confirmed it wasn't. My doctor said there was nothing she could do for me, but to tell me I was going to feel like crap for 7-10 days and that is was probably going to get worse before it was going to get better! Great! So I have spent the past 5 days almost completely horizontal! Horrible body aches, sore throat, cough, stuffy nose…you get the picture. It was miserable!! And probably the worst part was it was absolutely gorgeous outside!! And today I'm starting to feel slightly like a human being again and wouldn't you know it…it's a cloudy, grey day :o( Oh well…I'm just so thankful to be out of the house and off the couch for awhile! Hopefully NOW I can start to feel normal and just enjoy being pregnant…we shall see…haha :o)

One thing my doctor and I talked about quite a bit while I was there (even though I could barely hold my head up and really just wanted to be home on the couch) was some information about labor and delivery and breastfeeding. She had come to my infertility support group at one time and really has a passion around informing women about their options for childbirth and trying to make it an enjoyable experience (well as enjoyable as possible that is…haha). She told me to check out Ina May's book Guide to Childbirth and said that Jacob and I should both watch the video The Business of Being Born. She also gave me information on some Doula's that she recommends. I don't know a lot about Doula's at this point, but she said for only a couple hundred dollars they are a wonderful addition to the childbirth experience…they will help you labor at home and will come with you to the hospital and help you throughout the entire labor and delivery…and even with breastfeeding if needed. So although I have a lot of information to read and review…I am actually considering trying to have this baby the old fashioned way…i.e., no drugs! We'll see how I feel in about 7 months, but it's definitely a possibility!

The other story I have to tell before I go…I woke up the other morning and realized I had my first dream about whether we are having a girl or a boy…I've been thinking it's a boy all along…not really sure why…just my feeling…so the other night I had a dream that we were at the 20 week ultrasound appointment and the tech announed…"it's a boy!!" I blurted out "yeah, Noah Daniel"…not sure where Daniel came from, but Jacob and I both kinda like it…so if it is a boy Noah Daniel might just be his name :o) Well then yesterday Jacob tells me he also had a dream with the ultrasound tech announcing to us that it's a boy! Crazy huh? Jacob's sure that means we're haivng a girl…haha!! Guess we'll find out in a few short months!!

I go back to the OB on Thursday for an appointment…don't think I'll get an u/s at this one, but my sister said they will likely do the doppler to hear the heartbeat…so that gives me something to look forward to…yeah!! That and hopefully a week with out being sick!!

9 weeks & we've gone public!

For Halloween I decided that I was going to use my costume as an announcement to everyone at work that we were pregnant...so I ordered a lovely "bun in the oven" costume online and proudly wore it in to the office on Friday! It was pretty funny watching everyone try and first of all figure out what I was...and then catch on that it was more than just a costume. I think the whole "bun in the oven" thing is kinda old school as some people just couldn't figure it out...when asked "what is Maureen", they would respond "an oven"...and when pushed to say "what is in the oven" I get many responses like "a pizza" or "a cookie"...haha! So I would give in and help them out by saying "it's a bun in the oven...and in real life too...wink/wink...nudge/nudge" Haha...it was fun...and especially fun to get all the hugs and congratulations! I've been waiting for this day for a LONG time!!! It's a little nerve-wracking now that the news is out there...that there is no more hiding...and that if something does go wrong now the pain will be known to all. But I'm thinking happy thoughts and just trying to enjoy the journey because it is amazing that we've made it...that it finally really does seem to be our turn!!

One perfect little June Bug

I think I've decided to rename our little miracle (although she/he always will be our miracle too) to our little June bug since at the OB appointment today we we're officially told that June 5th is our due date! Yeah! It was a perfect appointment...the best part of course being the chance to see our little bug again...and he/she is getting so big!! I can't believe the changes that have occurred in the past week and a half...you could see his head, and little arm buds, and leg buds, and we heard the amazing sound of the heartbeat!! It was great...173 beats per minute which they said we perfect. Jacob joked later at how many times they said everything looked perfect...so we are right on track!! Our little bug is measuring right at 8 weeks 2 days exactly...hooray!! I'm so happy everything is going well. I've included one of the ultrasound pictures for your viewing pleasure :o)



I was going to label it, but didn't have a chance...so the big white circle is the yolk sac...and she said that hangs around until my placenta is fully formed...and it is right by the babies feet...so hopefully that gives you some reference of what you are looking at.

The only other major event of the day was getting my H1N1 vaccination. My doctor strongly recommended it and since they had it available right then I said "let's do it!" Not sure how long till I'm considered immune to it, but hopefully the baby and I can steer clear of it atleast until then!! So we go back in two weeks for another appointment (probably not another ultrasound...boo) and then after that we start on a monthly schedule. I'm actually starting to feel like we're a normal pregnant couple and it's great!!

8 weeks...oh my!!

Today marked 8 weeks for us! Can you believe it! Our little one is the size of a rasberry (one site said kidney bean, but I like the sound of rasberry better...haha) now and hopefully growing away!! On Monday we get to go in for our third ultrasound to hear the precious little heartbeat...this will also be our first official OB appointment so I know he'll go over everything with us, hopefully give us a due date (all I have so far is the one I found online based on our embryo transfer date), and make sure everything looks good! I've actually already talked to our OB once as I had to call the after hours line last Saturday when I was running a low grade fever and just not feeling great. Luckily it turned out to be a little bug that went away within a few days...and he didn't put me on theraflu as I guess in the first 13 weeks it is strongly recommended against.

Speaking of being sick though this has been a rough week for me. It didn't help that work has been SUPER crazy and I was feeling completely overwhelmed by the number of things I had going on both during the day and into the evenings, but I've also been suffering from quite a bit of heartburn/indigestion. I've also had some spouts of morning sickness...although it is typically cured by eating something...which usually leads to more heartburn...haha! The real kicker this week though has been an allergic reaction to the progesterone shots that has been getting progressively worse and worse over the past few weeks until I finally broke down and contacted Dr. Ahlering's office because I couldn't take it any more! Since probably a week or two into getting the shots I started to develop a small rash and itchiness around the injection site. Andrea, my nurse coordinator, recommended putting ice packs on the spots and some cortizone cream. This was working ok...not great, but I could manage. Then more recently as Jacob was injecting the shot, it began to feel like it was filling up in my chest...I would start coughing before he could even get the needle out. And this got increasingly worse until Wednesday night when I was coughing and hacking like crazy as my chest was just on fire! And it was a pointless cough because it did not help anything...the burning would not go away. And even today, several days later, I can not breathe in deeply without feeling the heaviness in my chest and coughing. Luckily we were only one shot away from reaching the end of our calendar so when I contacted Andrea and Dr. Ahlering, they told me to stop the shots IMMEDIATELY!! So hooray! No more shots!! Atleast not until we transfer our five little freezer babies down the road...and guess we'll need to come up with an alternative for the progesterone ones when the times comes.

I can't wait for the ultrasound on Monday!! I will definitely let you all know how it goes!

Countdown to 3rd U/S: 2 days!!!

My heart beats only for you!

So today was our second ultrasound and our little one has come a long way in a week! Unfortunately the ultrasound pictures are really blurry and you can't really make much out so I didn't post them this time, but hopefully they'll start getting better as the weeks continue to fly by! Anyway...back to the ultrasound...it was the most amazing thing ever...you could see it's little heartbeat just flickering away like crazy! As soon as Dr. Ahlering brought it up on the screen I could see it!! I am in such awe at what a miracle it is...just four weeks ago today...our baby was just some tiny little cells in a petri dish and today it's heart was beating! And according to the books I've been reading it's been beating for almost a week already. God is so great! Dr. Ahlering tried to pick it up on the doppler, but he said due to the way my uterus was sitting and because our little one is snuggled way up towards the top he wasn't able to get the audio *boo* He assured me though that just seeing it drops our chance of miscarriage to about 2%...so that was awesome news! He also told us the baby is measuring 7 mm...which is right on track with 6 and 1/2 weeks! We are so very blessed! It's starting to feel more and more real...and with each day I relax a little more!! So we have officially graduated and are moving on to our OB...we might get to feel like a normal pregnant couple soon! haha...probably not :o) I, of course, already called and made an appointment...so we get to go in for another chance to see our little miracle a week and a half from now on October 26th!! *grin*

As far as everything else goes...I have been feeling pretty good...my biggest issue seems to be heartburn...I had it so bad on Monday night that I could not even sit or lay down! I was just pacing around...not fun when you're exhausted! Oh, and the progesterone shots are starting to hurt quite a bit...I don't know if it's because it goes into the same muscle every time or I'm just getting more sensitive as my hormones increase, but it's PAINFUL!! And we've been getting kinda lax on them...before we would begin prepping for it at 7:30...Jacob would make up the shot and then we'd put it in a heating pad to heat up for 30 minutes...and then 8:00 was shot time! Well needless to say the past two times it's been 8:30 and 8:45 when I'm screaming to Jacob "crap, we have to do a shot tonight"...haha! Luckily our latest one has only been 9 PM...so I don't think an hour late hurts anything, but thank goodness we only have 4 more to do, because I'm so scared we're going to miss one!!

Guess that's about it for now! Thanks again for all the prayers! Keep 'em coming...:o)

Countdown to 3rd U/S: 12 Days!

One perfect little miracle!!

So today was the big day...the 1st ultrasound...and our first chance to see how our little one was snuggling in!! I was so nervous by the time 1:10 has rolled around...luckily I had a very busy morning so it flew by, but when we arrived at the doctors office my palms started sweating, I was all figity, and Jacob and I tried to carry on some type of normal conversation just to try and take our mind off what was about to happen!! When Dr. Ahlering entered the room he informed us that we will be looking to see the yolk sac(s), count how many, and just make sure everything looks good. So, off we go...and right away he pointed to the screen and said, "there is exactly what we're looking for!" An audible sigh of relief likely escaped my mouth at this very second *smile*!! He zoomed in on the one tiny little pocket of fluid that I believe is the amniotic sac and inside of that was another little circle (kinda hard to make out on the pictures below) that is the yolk sac. He said everything looked "pretty much textbook" which I assume means right on track. He looked around for another, but said, "yep, looks like it's just the one." So yeah!! We are expecting one perfect little miracle next June 5th!! It's such a relief to finally see our little one and know that it landed just where it was supposed to and as of right now everything is on track!! We get to go back next Wednesday to see him or her again and hopefully hear it's precious little heartbeat! All the nurses at the office came up and were giving us hugs as we left...there are all so sweet and have been so wonderful through this whole crazy process!




This whole thing still seems so surreal, but I'm slowly letting myself get more and more excited! I've decided to even let myself sign up for the baby center weekly e-mails letting me know how our little one is growing every week! It's telling me that at 5 weeks, 3 days our baby is about the size of a sesame seed! So tiny and cute! I can't wait to see how he or she continues to grow. I can't wait till we get to graduate to our OB. I can't wait to find out if it's a boy or a girl! I can't wait to decorate the nursery and register for baby stuff! I can't wait to get a big ole belly and buy maternity clothes! I can't wait, I can't wait!! We are so blessed and I can't wait for all of it! Thanks for all the prayers...I can't wait to continue sharing this journey with all of you!

Countdown to 2nd ultrasound: 8 days!!

5 Weeks Pregnant

Today I am officially 5 weeks pregnant...I think. I'm not exactly sure how it's all calculated with IVF, but according to the book I'm reading I think today marks the 5 week point!! It's been a pretty non eventful week...I am feeling a little more tired, a LOT more thirsty...I can't get enough water...and occasionally a little bit queasy, but overall I'm feeling pretty normal and am shocked that there is a baby or two growing in side of me. I'm sure all the symptoms will come...or I pray they will. I never thought I'd say this, but the idea of morning sickness makes me excited because I think in some kind of strange way it will be reassuring that things are going well.

I have been doing some reading this past week thanks to a lovely present we received from Jacob's sister Shannon and her husband Kyle. This present was actually given to us back in February with our first pregnancy, but luckily Jacob was able to intercept it before I found it after the news that the pregnancy was not viable. So it's been in hiding until last Friday where we took it out and opened it together. Jacob and I each got a book and our first official baby item...the softest, sweetest little blanket. I took a picture of it all so you could see. My book is a pregnancy journal that has a day-by-day guide to your pregnancy where you can track how you are feeling, what you're thinking, etc. I love it! Each day I read about what the precious little miracles are doing...and how they are changing and growing each and every day...it's truly amazing!! And just reminds you what a blessing it is to be pregnant!


And lastly and most importantly, this coming Tuesday marks our first ultrasound! I am so unbelievably nervous and excited I can't even express it! I can't wait to get a peek at what is going on in there...to find out if there's one or two...to see them and know how they are doing...if they are growing like they are supposed to...if their hearts are beating yet...I just can't wait! It will be here soon!! And I just hope and pray that things look great and that maybe I can begin to relax a little more...begin to enjoy it all...begin to start bonding with the little one(s)...begin to start making some plans for our future together!! Tuesday is a big day!! I hope to have more great news to share then!!

Countdown to ultrasound: 3 days!!

Breath in - Breath out

Those of you that know me well, know my personality...I am a worrier, a planner, a bit of a control freak :o) and all of those things are seriously being ampliphied already and I'm only 4 weeks pregnant!! First let me start with the awesome news...you all saw my post on Friday that we are officially pregnant! We tried to document the occassion with a picture of the pregnancy test, but as you'll see below, those are really hard to capture on camera :o)



Despite the bad picture we really are pregnant!! Our blood tests came back with HCG levels of 7 and 61. The goal is for your numbers to double every 48 hours or so...ours was pretty much 9X's higher after 2 days...so that is an awesome step in the right direction! I'm trying really hard to not get caught up in the numbers though as they vary so much by person...the ultrasound on the 6th will really be what will tell us how our babies are doing...and if there is baby or babies hanging out in there :o) Jacob and I have had a lot of fun talking about our little miracles and how excited we are to meet them next spring! We even broke out the name book we had bought back in February and began playing the name game. As I mentioned in a previous post we have a boy and a girl name picked out already, but decided we might need to be prepared just in case we're doubly blessed! I'm still leaning towards thinking there is just one, but Jacob is just sure it's twins! At this point, all I want is for any babies that are in there that they hang on tight and grow, grow, grow!!

Now on to the worrying...:o) I have warned Jacob from the get go, that if we got the wonderful news on the 25th that we were pregnant it was going to be a LONG anxious week or so as we await our first ultrasound. And the fun has already begun...haha!! I've been told that as soon as you become pregnant you are aleady a Mom because that is when all the worrying begins...and it will never really end. And as someone who has been suffering with infertility for almost 3 years I think the fear and worry about what could happen is just all the more apparant...especially after suffering a loss 8 short months ago. So as on top of the world as I feel, there is always that nagging voice in the back of my head saying "slow down...don't get too excited, yet!" Of course it didn't help that I had a little bleeding and cramping going on yesterday. I pretty much freaked out!! From what I've read this is totally normal and nothing to worry about, but as my rational side tried to calm my emotional side down the truth is my heart was sinking as I dreaded the worst. I'm feeling much better today, so hopefully it was nothing, but please continue to keep Jacob and I and our little miracles in your prayers! This first trimester is a scary one, but hopefully we'll make it through with out any problems!

Countdown to 1st Ultrasound: 9 days!

We're pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I think this has been the longest day of my life!! I've been freaking out because Dr. Ahlering's office was not calling...I've been crying...I e-mailed them and called and left a message for someone to please call me...and almost 2 hours later they finally did...and the verdict...we're pregnant!!!!!!!! Our betas were 7 & 61...so likely only one little one growing in there, but as long as it's in the right place and all is well I don't care!! Hooray! Our first ultrasound will be October 6th. More to come...once I can stop shaking! hehe! :o)

Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers...keep em coming!

2 more getups

Jacob and I always talk about the number of "get ups" (i.e. waking up in the morning...usually referring to the dreaded 5:15 AM alarm before work) we have left when there is something exciting coming up that we are anxiously awaiting...like a pregnancy test for example :o) So today we were both giddy with the thought that only two more get ups till we find out if we're pregnant!! Hooray! It can't come fast enough! The past week since the transfer has actually kinda flown by. I took it easy all day Friday and then tried to keep my weekend errands and chores to a minimum. I definitely felt like there was something going on in my uterus over the weekend as I had some cramping and what I'm calling twinges...but it kinda felt like someone was pinching me from the inside...haha...very strange. I'm hoping and praying it was our two little miracles staking their ground in my uterus for the long haul! I guess we'll know soon enough! The past few days I've felt mostly back to normal...of course I'm analyzing and over analyzing every little pain or lack of pain I feel, but then trying to rationalize that it is probably all in my head anyway so not to worry about it...haha! It's all a big emotional rollar coaster that I so hope is coming to a hault soon!

Thanks again for all the thoughts and prayers! I'll try to update the blog as soon as I can on Friday so you all know how it turns out.

Countdown to pregnancy test: 2 days!!!!!!!

Miracles Happen Every Day

Yesterday was Jacob’s 30th birthday and we couldn’t think of a better way to spend it than to have two beautiful blastocycts transferred to my uterus *smile* That’s right…yesterday morning I got the call from Dr. Ahlering’s office that our embryos were ready and that we should be there at 1:15 PM for our little babies to be placed in what hopefully will be there home for the next 9 months. The whole thing was just so surreal…Jacob and I were taken into the room and as I held his hand the embryologist brought in the catheter that contained our two little ones…our two babies who we will hopefully be meeting in approximately nine months!!

It was an emotional day…the weight of it all kind of came crashing in as I prepared yesterday morning, as I laid on the table and the embryos were transferred back to me, and even yesterday afternoon/evening as I tried to relax during my 24 hour bedrest. It is truly a blessing that we’ve come this far…and that on top of the two amazing babies in my belly we also have 4 frozen for the future. We are so lucky!

So now as I continue to take it easy…and hope and pray that the little twinges I’m feeling in my belly are our little ones snuggling in for the long run (although I don’t think that actually happens until tomorrow or Sunday…I’m officially PUPO…pregnant until proven otherwise…haha! And with my second beta only 1 week away, hopefully soon we will be able to announce that we’re dropping the “until proven otherwise” Yeah!!

I told Jacob after it was over and I was laying in the office for the required 30 minutes that we had to name them…that all that had gone before us had given there little embryos names…so as we looked at the lovely picture below he blurted out lemonjello and orangejello…haha!! I know it doesn’t come through as funny over the web, but Jacob and I have long joked about the names “lemongelo” and “orangelo” (that’s a little closer to how you would pronounce them) because of the old wives tale that some cruel parents named there kids this!! I was thinking more along the lines of something sticky like Caramel or Gluey (hey, those are real names right?) Haha! But I think when it is all said and done, for now we’re just going to call them our perfect little miracles…because that is truly what they are!!


And in case you’re wondering…here is what is thought to be happening with our miracles right now…

-1dpt ..embryo is growing and developing
0dpt... Embryo is now a blastocyst
1dpt....Blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day
2dpt.. Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining
3dpt.. Implantation begins,as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining
4dpt.. Implantation process continues and morula buries deeper in the lining
5dpt.. Morula is completely inmplanted in the lining and has placenta cells & fetal cells
6dpt...Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood (First blood test)
7dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops
8dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops (Second blood test...find out if we're pregnant!!)
9dpt...HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on HPT

Countdown to pregnancy test (2nd beta): 7 days!!!

Day 3 Report

Our little ones are all doing really good and all still hanging in there :o) Here is the grade and cell division report from today:

1 Grade 3 with 2 cells
1 Grade 2 with 5 cells
1 Grade 2 with 6 cells
3 Grade 1 with 8 cells
3 Grade 2 with 8 cells
3 Grade 1 with 9 cells
2 Grade 2 with 9 cells
1 Grade 1 with 10 cells

Ideally you like to see a grade 1 or 2 with atleast 8 cells...so all of ours fall into that category except 3...so for now things are still looking very positive!! Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers!! Thursday can't come soon enough! Mary told me they will likely call me Thursday morning and let me know when to come in for transfer so for now...just more waiting :o) Sorry this is a short one...I'm trying to stay busy and not think about it too much...or I'll go crazy!! So back to work :o)

Countdown to ET: 2 days!!

Another Amazing Day!

So you are not going to believe this...I can still hardly believe it, but right now, at this very moment...we have 15 beautiful little babies growing in their tiny petri dishes at the doctors office!!! That's right...we got the call from Andrea this morning saying that 16 out of the 17 eggs retrieved yesterday were mature and 15 of them fertilized!! It is such a miracle and we feel so blessed that we've had such a good response so far...way better then we imagined even a week ago!! Andrea said they will call us again on Tuesday and give us a report on how our babies are doing and let us know how many are continuing to grow and divide. Tuesday seems like forever away right now as I want the play by play of how each of them is doing, growing, changing, but I know that is not possible...so I'm trying to remain patient and just trust in God! He is so amazing and is definitely working in our lives and our hearts through this whole process! So for now, we are very hopeful and just relaxing and enjoying the blessings that keep appearing before us!!

On another note, we did our first *dreaded* progesterone shot last night and all I can say is thank goodness for all the build up and making it seem like the scariest thing ever...because when it came to actually doing it, it was quite easy! I had read on our doctors message boards that the best way to go about these shots is to actually use a heating pad to heat up the syringe full of the medicine...since it is an oil a lot of the pain actually comes from it going in to your muscle...as it is really thick. So I had the syringe in a heating pad for about 30 minutes last night prior to shot time. I then laid down on my stomach on the bed and tried to prepare for the pain! Jacob had an easy target becuase I had Andrea draw some bullseyes on my hips to show him exactly where to stick me. He asked if I was ready, to which I quickly replied "no, but just do it anyway" haha! And he did! The stick itself wasn't any worse then all the stomach ones I've been enduring for weeks...the worst part was just waiting for him to push it all in. The second recommendation from the boards was to push it in REALLY slowly...which he did...and it seemed like it took forever, but I couldn't really feel anything so that was just perfect! And the good thing is you only do these every three days, so today and tomorrow are totally shot free days! Hooray!!

Thanks again for all the thoughts and prayers! We are so very hopeful and counting the many, many, blessings we have been given!! Only a few short days till transfer now...I hope the good news just keeps on coming!!

Countdown to Embryo Transfer (ET): 4 days!

Awe & Amazement

That pretty much sums it up!! We went in for our egg retrieval today...got there about 15 minutes early at 11:45 AM and had a slight wait before they took me back to my small room and told me to get totally undressed and slip into the ever lovely hospital gown. I laid in the bed awhile waiting and listening to the nurses playing dress up outside the room as they fixed each others hair...they were having quit a bit of fun...it was kind of a weird experience as I just laid there...the weight of what was about to happen on my mind. Finally Andrea, our coordinator came in and took my vitals and got my IV hooked up...which by the way...OUCH!! I just hate getting IV's...I mean, they really just hurt! Luckily within a few minutes it was all hooked up and the pain went away. They then brought Jacob back thankfully to entertain me as I waited for it to be my turn to go in "THE ROOM." The entire time I got to listen to the girls before me going into the room counscious and coming out sounding like they had just been slipped the date rape drug or something...there was a lot of slurring going on all around me!! Haha! Finally...it was my turn. They took me in to the small dark room and had me sit on the table with my whole legs up in the stirrups...it actually wasn't too uncomfortable...better then the normal OB tables with stirrups for your feet...these were actually padded ones that you put your knees in. The anesticist started injecting things into my IV...one to relax me and one for the pain. It was a very strange feeling, because I could tell everything that was going on and could definitely sense that it hurt, but it didn't hurt bad enough for me to say anything...so I just laid there in my half counscious state and waited for what was coming next. Then after what seemed like no time at all, they had me move on to the gurney and wheeled me back to my starting room and that was it! So, here's the best part of the whole thing...I told Jacob to ask them how many they retrieved...and based on the Ultrasounds all week was expecting maybe 10 or 11, but what they said is so much better than that!! SEVENTEEN!!!!

I still cannot even believe it...I mean, I'm wondering if they mixed my file up with someone elses or something, because 17? That is just so amazing! God is so awesome! So now we just wait until tomorrow and will be praying like crazy that we have lots of mature, good quality eggs in that group of 17!! So more to come tomorrow! Please continue to keep us in your prayers...we really appreciate everyone that is pulling for us! And are hopeful that we'll be pregnant very, VERY soon!

We're on the clock!

At exactly 11:00 PM sharp tonight I will be getting my HCG trigger shot...the shot that is the final step in maturing all my eggs so that we will be ready for egg retrieval on Saturday!!! It feels so great to know exactly when it will all happen now as it seems like it's taken forever to get here! Dr. A gave us the thumbs up after the ultrasound today. He said he was tempted to wait another day because of a few eggs measuring in at only 15 mm, but he decided in the end it was better not to gamble with the really good 20-22mm ones I had...so here we are! A little over an hour and I get the last shot in my belly...hopefully forever! And right now I'm feeling excited, anxious, eager, overwhelmed, hopeful and pretty much every other emotion there is!

Besides the plethora of emotions...I am also feeling EXTREMELY bloated...ugh. My ovaries are so tender that I feel like they may just pop if I make any sudden movements! So I've been taken' it easy and staying away from any and all sharp objects...haha....just kidding :o) But I have been trying to wear loose clothing and go easy on my poor stomach for a few more days. I feel like I'm carrying precious cargo in there...and those are just the eggs...I can't even imagine how it's going to be when they transfer the embryos to me next week...then I truly will be extra super cautious of everything I'm sure!!

Last thing, then I'll sign off for now...in exactly two weeks from today there is a real chance we will find out that we're pregnant! Two weeks! It may seem like forever away now, but it will be here before we know it and I'm just hoping and praying for a miracle!

Countdown to ER: 39 hours 11 minutes!!!

Moving Target

I had another ultrasound and bloodtest today and Dr. A seemed genuingly pleased with the progress we made since yesterday...so much so that we're doing another round of stims tonight and doing it all over again tomorrow. So no trigger shot tonight and no egg retrieval on Friday...it now appears that it will be Saturday. He's still guestimating the number to be in the upper singles...so please keep praying that it all works out and that they are all good quality eggs...because I know that is the most important thing ;o) even if there are only 8 or 9 of them!

It was funny...at the ultrasound Dr. A came in without the nurse and said she'd be right behind him...typically someone comes in with him and writes down the size of the follicles as he calls them out for each side. So we got started and he starts measuring all of them, but no one ever came in. So he was like holding the "ultrasound wand" with one hand and reaching for a paper towel and pen with the other so he could keep track of all of them! Haha! He was having trouble juggling it all and was maneuvering to try and find another position to do it all. I offered to help write them down from my reclined state and he quickly responded, "no, no...your only job is to work on making some nice good follicles!" Haha...I asked him if that meant I didn't have to go back to work after this. We both got a good laugh out of it and he said I should call in and tell them I'm taking the day off to make follicles! Wouldn't that be great *grin*

Other than that I'm feeling a little more optimistic today...thanks to everyone for cheering me up and reminding me that 8-10 can totally result in a healthy baby! So positive thoughts, positive thoughts, positive thoughts...:o)

More tomorrow...

Countdown to ER: ~3 Days!! *again*

Anyone have Eggs for sale?

Today I went in for my cycle day 9 ultrasound to see how I've been responding to the stimulant meds...this will determine when egg retrieval will be and about how many eggs we can hope to retrieve. Unfortunately though I was a little disheartened by what they found. They said my lining looks great at about a 10, so that's good news. Regarding follicles here is the approximate breakdown from what I remember...I might be off a little (the goal is for them to be between 18 and 20 mm to trigger)

12 mm (2)
14 mm (2)
15 mm (2)
16 mm (2)
17 mm (1)
18 mm (1)

Based on what I found online anywhere from 8-15 is considered "average"...so I do fall within that range. I guess the let down came because when we went for our initial follicle count last week he said he thought there were about 12 or so follicles. Based on that, I was getting my hopes up that 12 would probably be the LEAST amount of follicles we would have...and that we'd have a few small ones that would surprise us today by growing to the right size and giving us more like 15 or so eggs. Not so much :o( We did have one overachiever in the group though that came in a whopping 25 mm already! Yikes! It's on my left side and I'm guessing is likely to blame for the cramping I've been having down there. So after the ultrasound Dr. A. studied everything again briefly and decided to give me another shot of stims tonight (and uped the dosage from 150 to 225) and then I go again tomorrow and do this all over again. He said he's pretty sure egg retrieval will be this Friday...Saturday at the latest. Right now I'm just praying, wishing, hoping that this extra dose of stims tonight will bring those little ones up to the perfect size...and that it won't cause our 17 & 18 ones to get too "overdone." I'm trying to stay calm and relaxed, but this whole thing is just overwhelming and unpredictable! I mean...8 eggs could be more than enough to give us a happy healthy baby or two, but there are sooo many unknown variables left to go!! Like, what if not all of these 8 follicles have eggs in them...now we're down to 6 or 7...and what if the two 12's get bigger, but aren't mature once retrieved...now we're down to 4 or 5...let's just say all 5 fertilize since we're doing ICSI, but then what if they all don't make it to a day 5 blastocyct stage. We could very easily be down to only 1 good embryo to transfer!! Which is just terrifying!! Especially since the quality of my eggs is questionable anyway there is probably a good chance that 8 eggs retrieved does not mean 8 beautiful embryos! Ugh! I'm scared and just feeling kinda down right now, so thanks for letting me vent! Hopefully these are the worst case scenarios and everything will work out perfectly over the next week or so. Just keep us in your prayers because the stress of it all is already getting to me and we still have a ways to go!!

Countdown to ER: ~3 days!!

Lookout ER here we come!

Hi from Lookout Mountain Georgia everyone! Jacob and I are down here for the long holiday weekend visiting his sister Shannon and her husband Kyle and their adorable little boy Kade. So far we've been taking it pretty easy and enjoying the mild weather and beautiful views! We did venture out to do some hiking today to see a few waterfalls and the trek proved to be pretty tough...due to the steep incline you were pretty much walking on steps instead of trails the majority of the time. We decided to count the steps on the way up just to see and the total was...drumroll please...644 steps...straight up!!!! I was feeling pretty worn out and my already sore body was definitely excited to see the car!! So speaking of sore body...we've been on the stims since Tuesday and I'm probably paying extra close attention to everything, but I swear my ovaries are quite tender. Especially on my left side. It does seem like after the ectopic my left side is more painful whenever anything is going on down there...like having my monthly visitor I can usually feel more pain on that side...so that may be the same case now. I'm taking it as a good sign though that the stims appear to be working and are hopefully cooking up lots of lovely little eggies in there! Our cycle day 9 ultrasound will be on Tuesday so we'll get a good idea then what is going on in there! And I have to say as much fun as I'm having here and enjoying spending time with the family on top of this lovely mountain...there is a part of me that is just counting down the hours till Tuesday morning so we can find out about how many eggs we might hope to retrieve and get an idea of exactly when the retrieval is going to be. For now I'm still assuming it will be next Saturday, the 12th, which is only ONE week away! I can't believe it...that will be here before we know it!! I can't wait!

Countdown to ER: ~7 day!!

It's Finally September!!

I thought this month would never get here, but as the weather cools & the smell of fall is in the air…I know September has finally arrived!! Tomorrow marks the first day of what will hopefully prove to be one of the best months of our lives. And tomorrow we add the stimulating shots to our daily infertility cocktail. As the morning shot of Lupron gets easier and easier it does seem like it's time to take the step up to the next level. One good thing about the stims is we will be using the pens for these shots, so no drawing the medication up from the vial anymore…we just click to the amount we need and inject! Seems pretty easy, but we'll watch the lovely online video tomorrow night beforehand to make sure we know exactly what we are doing!


I've been doing a little reading on the types of things I should be doing to ensure my body is in tip top shape and ready to accept our precious little cargo in a few short weeks! And one thing I've been hearing is that adding lots of protein and fats (yikes!) to your diet can be helpful with the quality of eggs. So things like meat, cheese, eggs, etc. are all supposed to be good things to indulge on…so I figure it can't hurt…bring on the bacon and eggs! Hehe! It also said to cut out caffeine and alcohol. I'm good on the alcohol…I cut that out as soon as the shots started. The caffeine thing is definitely a little trickier for me! I LOVE my soda, but obviously I want a happy, healthy baby, more than a can of diet mt. dew so I've been trying to find substitutes that I like and so far it's going ok. Probably the best find was a new strawberry lemonade at Shop & Save…it is quite tasty!! I read too that you are supposed to eat the core of a pineapple on the day of your egg transfer (ET) and for the 3-5 days following. This one seems weird to me, but here is what I found on the web…"Pineapple may help assist embryo implantation because it contains bromelain. This proteolytic enzyme breaks down proteins that can inhibit embryo implantation." I'm not a huge fan of pineapple, but I could eat a little each of those 5 days…especially if it will help with implantation! One thing to note…it did say not to eat it before ET though because the high acidity of the fruit could actually be bad for your fertility.

I guess all in all, I don't really plan to do anything extreme one way or another…just be a little more cognizant of what I'm putting in my body and hoping that whatever the magic formula is for this IVF to work we get it right and we’ll have awesome pregnancy news in the coming month!! It's so close now I can taste it *smile*

Countdown to ER: ~12 Days

All Systems a "GO"

Today was our baseline ultrasound and bloodwork. They are mainly just checking to ensure you don't have any cysts on your ovaries and to see what your antral follicle (or resting follicle) count is. I got there a little early because I had to have my blood drawn before 9 AM (directly across the hall) and my appointment wasn't until 9:20. To my surprise though they got me in right away and I only had to sit and wait in the exam room a short time before Dr. A. came in. As an aside, I was having a little battle going on in my head as I waited in the exam room...the nurse that ushered me in there told me to undress from the waist down and have a seat on the table, which I promply did, but as I sat there and waited I became rather bored and my eye kept being drawn to the lovely, colorful magazines piled into a rack on the back of the door. I just kept thinking "man, I wish I had grabbed one of those before I undressed...I could hop up and get one now and surely no one would walk in"..."buuuuttt, what if they did walk in...all I have is this little paper table cloth thing to cover up with and it definitely won't do me much good!" Haha...I restrained myself and just waited paitently...it probably would have been a funnier story if I hadn't *smile* Anyway...back to my point...he did the ultrasound and found no cysts...yeah!! And approximately 12 follicles...double yeah! I've been trying to find what a "good" number of resting follicles is and it seems like anything over 10 is decent. So with 12 it's going to depend a lot on how I respond to the stimulating meds. Overall I feel pretty good about the day and will just keep praying my ovaries just LOVE being stimulated and we have lots and lots of good quality eggs to retrieve in a little over two weeks!!

Countdown to ER: ~16 days!

Welcome Baby Sophie!

Jacob and I became an aunt and uncle for the fifth time today when Sophia Leona Krieger "Sophie" came in to the world. Erin was scheduled for a 12 Noon induction, but luckily Sophie decided to come on her own. She was born at 2:05 PM today and weighed in at 7 lbs. 14 oz. We just visited her at the hospital and she is just as precious as could be!! Mom, Dad, big sister Emma, and baby Sophie are all doing great!

Baby Dreaming...

I've been doing lots of "Baby Dreaming"...it's kinda like "Day Dreaming" except about all things baby, maternity, nursery's, etc *smile*. I know I shouldn't get my hopes up too high and I promise I haven't bought ANYTHING, but I have been having fun just glancing at the maternity clothes when I'm out shopping...and browsing online at all the adorable baby bedding (jcpenney has the cutest stuff!)...and yesterday, my mom and my sister and I went down to old St. Charles for the annual Festival of the Little Hills and I was ooh and ahh-ing over all the unbelievably cute baby stuff! There was this one tent that had the cutest little shelves with sayings painted on them like "always kiss me goodnight" or "thank heaven for little boys" and then they would drill holes in it depending on the number of letters of your child’s name and you could buy letters to hang from it. I asked my mom and Erin if it was too presumptuous to buy one that says Noah and one that says Autumn...the names we've had picked out forever now...they both immediately said "NO!" I really was joking, I mean I know there is a real chance this cycle won't work, but they were just so cute...and there was definitely a part of me that was a little jealous that I wasn't able to buy one or two for the little babies we will hopefully be cuddling with someday soon! But I guess for now I'm going to keep dreaming and hoping that our day will come soon...and I will finally be able to buy some maternity clothes, and be able to decorate a nursery, and to experience the miracle of life!! I mean why not...there is nothing wrong with a little baby dreaming...

Countdown till ER: ~19 days

We are on our way!!

Finally...we have arrived! Today marked the start of our IVF cycle as we began the medications! Hooray! I never thought I'd use that word to describe getting from 1-3 shots a day, but hey, if it results in a happy and healthy baby or two in the end it is EXACTLY how I feel. Excited, elated, ready to get this party started! haha!

The shot itself went off without a hitch this morning...well, more or less. I really wanted it to be a nice relaxed atmosphere as Jacob and I prepared and gave the shot together...I planned to put on a nice cd, take our time, read the instructions, put on a tux & nice dress, light some candles...haha...ok, maybe not quite those last two, but you get the idea. Instead though, it turned in to a rushed event that felt like a wham, bam, thank you mam...and left me feeling itchy and a little sore. Overall everything went pretty smooth...we uncapped the lupron, wiped the top with an alcohol wipe, inserted the syringe, drew up the medicine (quite a bit squirted out at this point from pulling it out with out turning the vial of lupron back upright..oops!), wiped my belly with another alcohol wipe and stuck me. It didn't really hurt or anything...the needle, thankfully is very little, but afterwards it was all red and definitely itchy. Luckily that went away within about a half an hour, and now I'm feeling totally normal and ready for the next one! And to celebrate, Jacob and I have decided to treat ourselves to some ice cream tonight...yum!

After today I don’t, by any stretch of the imagination, think this is going to be fun or easy, but atleast I have comfort that it is possible…and that Jacob and I are in it together! So now we are finally on our way!! And with the first hurdle down I’ve changed our countdown to the next one…the egg retrieval (ER)!

ER Countdown: ~23 Days!!!

"If God Leads you to it, he'll lead you through it"

It's hard to believe that we've come this far...that this Thursday we "officially" start the beginning of our IVF cycle. It's unbelievable really to think back on how long this journey has been and the twists and turns we've made along the way. It's crazy for me to even think that we've arrived at this place. I think I've always assumed...even after we started going to the RE...that it wouldn't ever actually come to IVF for us. For whatever reason, from the beginning of our treatments I was sure that the third IUI cycle was going to be as far as we would ever have to go. And when we did become pregnant that cycle I was amazed that my gut feeling was coming true! But with the loss that came shortly thereafter I think I was all the more in shock that my hope of getting by only partially scathed was no longer going to be an option. Now we're here and my emotions are all over the place...one second I'm excited and hopeful and the next I'm on edge and discouraged...and I haven't even started the meds yet! Haha...poor Jacob is really going to have his hands full! I know that we're here for a reason...that God knows what he's doing...that there is some greater plan...whether it's to strengthen the relationship between Jacob and I (probably not until after my emotional rollercoaster ends...haha), or to give us a greater appreciation and love for the children we will have, or because our children were destined to come as a pair *smile*, or to draw us ever closer to him as we stumble along the path of infertility. Who knows...I'm confident someday it will become clear, but for now I'm just going to have faith.

And as our countdown has dwindled to 4 short days till the shots begin, my head reels with possibilities. I know, without a doubt, this next month is going to be a challenging one. I just hope and pray that we will endure and that it will result in fulfilling the strong desire of our hearts to have a child. Being the control freak that I am (hey we all have our vices right *grin*) I'm going to attempt to do something my Mom once told me..."To let go, to let God." So as we await all the unknowns just around our corner I found this prayer on Beliefnet that I think is very appropriate…

"Thank you Lord, for all the blessings in my life. Help me to remember them as I face the challenges of infertility. I pray that I can surrender myself into your hands. Let me accept the reality of this situation and have the wisdom and courage to take action where I can. Strengthen my body, mind and spirit to endure the trials of infertility. Keep me ever mindful of the needs of others and grant us your peace. Amen."

And I guess with that...more to come Thursday!!

Just in the nick of time!

Sorry if this is TMI, but “Aunt flo” finally arrived last night in all her glory…and not a second too soon! I’ve been stressing all week about it because if I’m not on birth control by August 13th our cycle would have to be postponed. I was supposed to start last Sunday, but nothing! And as the week dragged on, day after day I was getting more and more anxious about her timely disappearing act. Even yesterday at acupuncture, Christine needled what she called “every blood point” on the body assuring me that my period would come, but as the day went on I wasn’t so sure. Mary (our temporary coordinator in Dr. Ahlering’s office) had just called in a prescription for me for Provera, but apparently that was all it took because right after picking it up last night (and before even getting a chance to take it) she appeared! I NEVER thought I’d be so excited to start my period…haha!! I’m just thankful that I don’t have to start off the IVF cycle by putting yet another hormone in my body…and that it was able to arrive on its own!

So I guess that makes it finally official…start birth control (check), make final payment to SIRM (check), order medications (check), fill out all the legal forms (check…well almost) *grin* And that brings me to my next story for the week…in order to go through with IVF at SIRM you have to complete a stack of papers detailing that you understand the process, that you won’t sue them, and what you would like them to do with your embryos if you were to die….WAIT…WHAT?? That’s right, we had to sign papers stating what we would like to do with our teeny tiny little babies if there was an unfortunate chain of events and one or both of us were to end up in heaven before we had the chance to grow them in my belly! This is a pretty morbid discussion…and not really one you want to have as you’re preparing to be creating life…the last thing on your mind is really the thought of one ending! But, it is one they force upon you and I understand why, but here comes the issue…on the line where it asks the unsettling question of what to do with the embryos should both of us perish there is only one option…to destroy them. So obviously we will not agree to that…after all we believe as soon as it’s an embryo it’s a baby! Jacob kindly informed the nurse yesterday “it’s like it’s a five year old child…you would never ask us to destroy our five year old if something were to happen to us, so how can you expect us to agree to this.” She tried to empathize with us and said she understood the predicament, but if we weren’t going to sign it we would have to have a will drawn up stating what we would like done with them. So we’ve been searching online to see if we can create it that way instead of actually hiring an expensive lawyer. I found a site called Write Your Own Will that seems like it will work, but Jacob is going to check it out to make sure it’s legit. I also have a few lawyers in the family, so I may see if they can help verify that it will work…since various states have different laws. So we’ll see what happens, but we need to get a move on because my baseline appointment where we’re supposed to present it, is August 27th and that will be here before we know it!

Shot countdown: 12 Days!

Counting our Blessings!

It’s been a good week for us! First off…our good friends undergoing their first round of IVF with our same Doctor found out that they are not only pregnant, but most likely with twins!! It is such awesome news for the two of them and gives us hope that this does work all the time for couples all over the world!! We are ecstatic and praying that our friends in the August cycle will have the same results and then it will be our turn!! I’m very anxious and excited to get this party started…and to turn our infertility support group into a Mommy and Me play group *smile*

Second, I saw Dr. Pearlstone on Wednesday and he showed me the lovely pictures of the inside of my uterus *gross* but confirmed that he removed several polyps and all looks good for now. He did indicate that I will likely continue to see polyps pop up from time to time, but we’re just hoping and praying September is a success and we won’t have to worry about it anymore…at least not until we’re ready to try for number 2…or 3 if twins are part of this journey…haha!

Third, I visited Christine for acupuncture twice this week…both times leaving very relaxed yet re-energized that we are doing everything we physically can to make this cycle a success! I did tell her today that I would no longer be taking the Chinese herbs she’d given me…which by the way was this powder that looked basically like dirt that I had to dissolve in hot water and then proceed to drink…ick! It was so disgusting that I literally would dry heave every time after chocking it down…and I had to do it twice a day! I was pretty proud of myself though because I had developed quite a routine…I would mix it up…add some ice cubes to cool it down…plug my nose and chug-a-lug! I tried not to look in the glass because you could see all the nasty chunks that didn’t dissolve hanging out at the bottom hoping they were going to make the plunge to my stomach…haha! As soon as I drank most of it down (usually skipping the chunks at the bottom) I would keep my nose plugged until my chaser…a glass of pink lemonade…was at my lips and I was quickly downing to try and erase the taste! It usually helped…a little! Sorry…I just had to paint that picture for you! The reason I decided to stop taking it was, after a discussion with Dr. Pearlstone about why he did not believe in herbs I was convinced that it was likely not helping me and possibly even hurting me. He mentioned a study where women undergoing IVF and taking Chinese herbs actually had a lower success rate. That in and of itself was reason enough for me…especially since I couldn’t wait to stop taking it anyway *smile*

And last, but certainly not least…yesterday we received the most wonderful news!! A friend was donating to us all of the stimulating drugs we will need for this cycle!! Our meds bill just dropped dramatically and made the large price tag of this whole process a little more bearable! We are so very grateful for their extreme generosity and thankful that God has placed so many wonderful people along side us as we trudge through the valley of infertility!! It definitely makes you stop and think that there is a reason all of this happens...and although it’s so easy to get caught up in the hurt and emotional whirlwind that infertility ignites, sometimes you have to look up in the storm and see the light shining down in the distance…because we will all get through this…and having faith and family and friends to move along with you, is the best blessing you could ever ask for!

Shot countdown…20 days!

And the countdown begins...

Well Monday was our much anticipated IVF calendar review (you would think "much anticipated" would mean I would have written about it that night, but I think I'm still trying to figure this whole thing out…so bear with me). Overall the meeting went very well. Andrea, who will be our nurse coordinator throughout the process, was very nice and comforting and assured us multiple times that she understands what we're going through and that we are absolutely in the best care possible with Dr. Ahlering…who actually helped her conceive her two youngest children. That was definitely reassuring…and made me feel good that she truly did know what it was like to go through this crazy rollercoaster ride called IVF.

She gave us many handouts…all from the brightly colored calendar highlighting when to take all the medications, how much, etc…to detailed pictures showing how to perfectly fill a syringe and give the shot…to our pharmacy script showing the list of the many, many drugs we will be purchasing! It is a LOT of information…and I still have not reviewed it all, but I do have it all neatly organized into a binder that I decorated with pictures of babies and pregnancy and proudly named "Praying for a Family." So it's a start *smile*

Our stimulating (stim) med will be Gonal-F and from the dosages listed it does appear that we will not really be doing the low stim method…which was kind of what I figured, but that's ok. I'm sure Dr. Ahlering knows what's best as he does this all the time…and has practiced as an RE for many, many years. But of course, there is also a part of me that still wonders if we really do need a lot of extra drugs or if low stim really would work for us. I mean even with my high FSH (I really need to find out what the number is, because I can never remember) I responded REALLY well to the chlomid cycles we've done…and have had comments on several occasions, like "wow, even with your FSH your body seems to respond really well." So I am a little concerned about hyperstimulation on a full dose cycle, but I guess we'll just have to wait and see…and trust that he has thoroughly reviewed our case and picked everything based solely on what is best for us. And hopefully everything will go smoothly and we'll have a perfect number of follicles that will lead to a couple of healthy babies in our not so distant future!

So for now I'm trying to take things one day at a time…and relax! Ha…that is such a catch 22 in the infertility world, but I'll give it a try *smile* And although our first shot of Lupron isn't until the morning of August 20th…I'm sure it will be here before we know it so I'm going to try and enjoy things like sleeping through the night, caffeine, doing the P90X workout with Jacob, not living by a clock where everything is scheduled…and maybe even enjoying a beer or two…hehe…things that, come August 20th, will be a thing of the past…and hopefully for the next nine months!!

Shot Countdown: 28 Days

3rd Times a Charm

I went to my third and last Acupuncturist on Friday...Christine at WellBody Clinic in Maplewood. I say last because I loved her and will definitely continue seeing her as we venture into the unknown land of IVF. I was there for almost two hours on Friday and this time it wasn't because I was sitting in the waiting room for half of that time, but because she did such a thorough job of understanding our unique case so she could determine how best to help. After going through a multitude of questions she felt my different pulse points and looked at my tongue. She made sure I was comfortable before she began jabbing me with needles and checked in several times as she was "needling" me to make sure I was doing ok. I'm not exactly sure how long I was on the table, but I think it was somewhere between 45 minutes and an hour. It was very relaxing and I even drifted in and out of dream land a few times. After she "set me free" as she called it, I felt rejuvenated and knew that this was going to be an integral part of the journey ahead! It really felt like she was genuinely interested in helping us be successful and I think when you're going through something as heartbreaking as infertility...compassion and understanding rank very high on the list of must haves! She even lent me her own personal copy of The Infertility Cure so I could practice some acupressure at home on a couple of points she recommended. I am so happy that I made the decision to make the drive out to Maplewood (after being apprehensive about the distance) to see her and will continue doing so for atleast the next 10 weeks or so...until that first beta that will hopefully *fingers crossed* reveal that we're pregnant!! Now on to the calendar review...we will be meeting with Andrea today at 3 PM to find out when the craziness begins!! So stay tuned...more on that soon...

"IVF or Bust"

Yesterday was a big day for us…I had my pre-op appointment in the morning with Dr. Pearlstone and had decided ahead of time that I was not going to ask him about HDS levels, because really…we knew that regardless of what he would say, we are ready to move on to IVF. I mean it just makes the most sense. With everything we have working against us, it is highly unlikely that chlomid and IUI will work again…and even if it does another ectopic would be devastating…and I just don’t know if I could bear it! So onward and upward right? Right! ;o) Dr. Pearlstone seemed relatively relieved I think to hear this and said he thought we were making the right decision…although I honestly believe whichever decision we had made he would have stood behind us if that was what we were comfortable with. So I will just be having the hysteroscopy on Thursday which is definitely less invasive, so that’s good news.

Now on to the afternoon…we had an appointment with Rachel in Dr. Ahlering’s office to discuss the financials around doing a low stim IVF in September. I was really apprehensive for this meeting for some reason…maybe due to the issues we’ve had with their office recently, or to the fact that we were going to be putting down a large sum of money to secure our spot, or because I’m scared sh*tless that we’re already at this stage! It probably is a combination of all three, but needless to say, I was ready to get on with it. When we got in to the office with Rachel she immediately began describing the one cycle IVF costs to us and said she would get to the two cycle pricing soon. Jacob and I kinda looked at each other and smiled and I proudly stated, “we’re going to be doing the low stim cycle.” And she quickly retorted with “um, no you’re not…with your FSH level there is NO WAY you qualify for the low stim IVF.” I explained to her that Dr. Ahlering’s e-mail clearly stated that we would be doing the low stim with high resolution ICSI to account for the sperm issues. She kinda laughed and said, “you have male factor issues too? Ya, there is no way you can do it!” Ugh…here we go again!! I said, “that is why we’re here…that is why we decided to do this now, because he said we could do low stim.” She was like, “well I guess we’ll let you slip through this time, but you only get the one chance…you absolutely CAN NOT do this again!” Ok, like going through this whole process isn’t stressful enough, now you’re telling me we only get the one shot! I questioned if we were the only ones that got one shot at low stim or does this apply to everyone? She said something along the lines of “corporate determines the criteria for low stim and you do not qualify, so there is no way that they will let you do this again.” Whatever…she took $3000 off the bill and we moved on…and from what I can gather, we will likely be doing more of a regular cycle…just with a bit of a discount…which honestly with all the crap we’ve gone through with them, I think we’ve earned it *smile* I guess we’ll know for sure when we have our calendar review and find out what kinds of drugs/dosages they have lined up for us. So the good news is that we did it…we signed up for the September 8th IVF cycle…we are officially moving forward!! The bad news is that the sinking feeling I had in the pit of my stomach before the meeting never really went away…and it still hasn’t. I’ve really thought for the past month or so that IVF was the logical next step for us, and that we were in a sense falling behind if we didn’t jump on the bandwagon, and that when we did get to this point I would be elated with the possibility it holds, but for whatever reason that is not how I feel today…and I can’t really pinpoint why. I know some of it is definitely fear…fear of the shots, fear of the egg retrieval and the pain associated with it, fear of the waiting and anxiety and obsession that will surely overcome me as we’re praying my first beta is a good one! And most obviously…the fear that it may not work. I mean, I know we will do this more than once if our first one is not successful, but when you’re just at the chlomid/IUI phase…you know you are at the bottom of the ladder…you still have many rungs to climb up before you come to the end. There are still other options…other things you can try, but with IVF this is it…this is the final rung in trying to build our family. The only place we can go from here is adoption or the loony bin…ha! Just had to throw that in there! I know I need to try and remain positive…because this will hopefully be the best decision we’ve ever made…and by the end of September we’ll have the awesome news that we are pregnant…with twins…hehe!! So that is what I’m going to try and do from now on! Thanks for letting me get all that negative stuff out…I’m already starting to feel a little better *smile* And with that I’m going to end on a positive note…I found this lovely website (thank you Cathy) that calculates your due date based on your IVF cycle dates…so for September, here are the results…

First beta: September 27, 2009 (this would be when we would have the blood test to see if we were pregnant)
Singleton Due Date: June 05, 2010
Twins By Average Gestation: May 14, 2010 (haha…putting out the good vibe!)
Triplets By Average Gestation: April 17, 2010
Quads By Average Gestation: April 10, 2010

Thinking, Waiting, Wondering…

A strange thing happened last night...well maybe not strange, but unexpected due to the fact that I’ve been waiting for it for two weeks now...but Dr. Ahlering finally called! And I had planned to be really mean, or like pretend I didn’t know who he was, or something to let him know I was upset, but of course as soon as he said he was sorry, I was like “it’s no big deal.” Ha…I’m just too easy! The good news though is that we finally got some answers that have been a long time coming!!

First, our test results...for the most part these came back good, but there is yet another issue that was uncovered. Ugh...like we need anything else working against us! He did a DNA Fragmentation test on Jacob and his DNA fragmentation index (DFI) came back normal, but his High DNA Stainability (HDS) came back abnormal. From what I’ve read this indicates a high percentage of immature sperm. Anything greater than 15% is considered abnormal and Jacob came in at a whopping 42%. According to Dr. Ahlering this means that our chances of getting pregnant and having a successful pregnancy with IUI are very low and that IVF with ICSI is really our only option. Which I believe him, but there is still a part of me that has doubts about this theory…because one, we did get pregnant before with IUI and two, some of the literature I’ve found (on the internet so we all know how reliable that can be) indicates that the jury is still out on HDS’s impact on pregnancy rates. So I’m still a little unsure about how big of a deal this really is. But the second bit of news was we do qualify for the low stim IVF protocol! Hooray! This was originally going to be the decision maker of whether or not we move straight to IVF or give chlomid a few more tries...but that was two weeks ago *smile*

So now we have all the information, but I don’t feel like we have all the answers…and I don’t feel like there is necessarily a clear path laid out for us at this point. Do we continue with the surgery as planned next week? Do we have the polyp removed and the lap to look at my tube in the hopes of trying chlomid again? Or should we pass go and head straight on to IVF land? I’m pretty confused and torn at this point. We have two appointments scheduled for Monday that will hopefully help us decide. The first is with Dr. Pearlstone to discuss my surgery. I am going to tell him about the new findings and get his opinion on it…and if he agrees that IVF with ICSI is the best option then I think we’ll plan to just do the hysteroscopy on the 16th and skip the lap. If he strongly discounts that HDS has a role in our success, then appointment number 2 with Dr. Ahlering’s office will likely be the decision maker as we are scheduled to discuss all the lovely financial details around signing up for the September IVF cycle…yikes! Either way please keep us in your prayers that the decision on Monday is an easy one...or at the very least that we can make a decision and finally begin to move forward again!

Drinking & Acupuncture don’t mix!

As I mentioned yesterday I did venture to an acupuncturist last night out in St. Peters…this was actually my second appointment with her, where I assumed she’d check my pulse points, my nails, my tongue…and ask me all the personal questions you would expect to get a good diagnosis and treatment plan in place. Instead though she just asked if I had filled out “the survey” last time I was in (I believe she was referring to the Chinese Health Survey…not sure that is its technical name, but something similar) and when I said no, she was like ok….and that was the end of it. She never asked me to fill it out, or any questions about what issues I’m having, what I’m trying to accomplish with acupuncture, etc. She just asked if I had any questions for her as she led me out into another room. As an aside, I must mention that this other “room” is actually just a large open space where I was originally waiting for a half hour and counting the NINE patients they had laying on various tables hooked up to all sorts of machines, several of them without their shirts on…men of course…but not, by any stretch of the imagination, what you picture when you are thinking of getting acupuncture to help relieve stress! And exactly the place where I told her I did NOT want to have my acupuncture done. But before I knew it I was laying on one of the tables with her quickly feeling my pulse and looking inquisitively at me asking what I had eaten in the past few hours. When I said popcorn and diet pepsi she immediately began yelling at me…telling me I have to cut out all soda now if I want to even think about having a healthy pregnancy! After she feels I'm sufficiently reprimanded, she begins jabbing the needles in to my hands…and it HURTS! Everything I’ve heard and read about acupuncture is that it does not hurt so when I asked her if it was supposed to she was like “well it’s because of that soda you drank…it’s tearing up your gut!” Whatever…I don’t believe her. Yes, soda is not exactly a health food drink, but having one or two a day is not going to be the death of me. There are far worse things I can think of that I know I should cut out now to improve my health…and soda is not at the top of the list...atleast not yet. So anyway as the needles continue to go in (I think I had three in each hand and three in each leg and one directly in the top of my head) I try to relax, but at this point I am really worked up…and as you all know my hormones are out of whack so…on come the water works. Yep, that’s right…I start crying…right there on the stupid chiropractor table…out in a big open room with likely nine other people staring at me…luckily I have needles everywhere so I can’t sit up to see them. But I was just overwhelmed and was not expecting this. I was sure I was going in to figure out our plan of attack to get me in the best physical/spiritual shape possible for when we can begin trying again in August…not to just be a pin cushion for the normal acupuncture protocol…because I am sure the needles she put in really had nothing to do with infertility (especially as none of them were placed in my stomach). She was just rushed and didn’t have the time to dedicate to me so was just trying to push me through to her little chiropractor assistants…who finished up everything else.

So I guess the good news is I tried it…which I’ve wanted to do for a while. But as I sit here enjoying a nice cold diet pepsi *smile* writing about my experience, I know one thing for sure…I will not be returning to Dr. Crosby’s office. If I do decide to give acupuncture another try I am going to head out to Maplewood and go to The Wellbody Clinic…it is obviously the only place you can get good acupuncture/infertility treatment in St. Louis!

It’s a bird…it’s a plane…no it’s “The Mommy Mobile”

Not much exciting has happened this past week in regards to the fertility stuff. Still just waiting for my surgery…10 days from today. I finally get to stop taking the agysten which will be nice because my hormones are seriously out of whack right now! Today is my last dose…and then next Monday I have my pre-op appointment with Dr. Pearlstone to go over all the lovely details. I’m getting a little nervous just thinking about it. Not that it’s a major surgery or anything, but they do put me all the way under so that alone is kinda scary. So I guess keep us in your prayers that everything goes as planned and we can get back to baby-making stuff soon!

In other news though…and as the title suggests we bought a new car!! It’s a beautiful pearl white Mazda CX9! And in case you don’t know…the CX9 seats 7!! So I’m calling it my mommy mobile because hopefully one day…in the not so distant future…it will be used to haul around all the wonderful little children we’re going to have!! And there's plenty of room in case they end up coming in pairs or in threes...haha! For right now though I’m just enjoying the wonderful new car smell…the lovely lit up dashboard (it’s very bright compared to the old alero)…and the lack of clicking! Haha…my old car was a great car, but for the last few years it has clicked…basically like a blinker on steroids! Just a very fast clicking noise that was present pretty much all the time…thank goodness for radios! And even better…thank goodness for new cars that don’t click *smile*

Guess that’s about it for now…I’m going to see an acupuncturist tonight…so more on that to come!!