Counting our Blessings!

It’s been a good week for us! First off…our good friends undergoing their first round of IVF with our same Doctor found out that they are not only pregnant, but most likely with twins!! It is such awesome news for the two of them and gives us hope that this does work all the time for couples all over the world!! We are ecstatic and praying that our friends in the August cycle will have the same results and then it will be our turn!! I’m very anxious and excited to get this party started…and to turn our infertility support group into a Mommy and Me play group *smile*

Second, I saw Dr. Pearlstone on Wednesday and he showed me the lovely pictures of the inside of my uterus *gross* but confirmed that he removed several polyps and all looks good for now. He did indicate that I will likely continue to see polyps pop up from time to time, but we’re just hoping and praying September is a success and we won’t have to worry about it anymore…at least not until we’re ready to try for number 2…or 3 if twins are part of this journey…haha!

Third, I visited Christine for acupuncture twice this week…both times leaving very relaxed yet re-energized that we are doing everything we physically can to make this cycle a success! I did tell her today that I would no longer be taking the Chinese herbs she’d given me…which by the way was this powder that looked basically like dirt that I had to dissolve in hot water and then proceed to drink…ick! It was so disgusting that I literally would dry heave every time after chocking it down…and I had to do it twice a day! I was pretty proud of myself though because I had developed quite a routine…I would mix it up…add some ice cubes to cool it down…plug my nose and chug-a-lug! I tried not to look in the glass because you could see all the nasty chunks that didn’t dissolve hanging out at the bottom hoping they were going to make the plunge to my stomach…haha! As soon as I drank most of it down (usually skipping the chunks at the bottom) I would keep my nose plugged until my chaser…a glass of pink lemonade…was at my lips and I was quickly downing to try and erase the taste! It usually helped…a little! Sorry…I just had to paint that picture for you! The reason I decided to stop taking it was, after a discussion with Dr. Pearlstone about why he did not believe in herbs I was convinced that it was likely not helping me and possibly even hurting me. He mentioned a study where women undergoing IVF and taking Chinese herbs actually had a lower success rate. That in and of itself was reason enough for me…especially since I couldn’t wait to stop taking it anyway *smile*

And last, but certainly not least…yesterday we received the most wonderful news!! A friend was donating to us all of the stimulating drugs we will need for this cycle!! Our meds bill just dropped dramatically and made the large price tag of this whole process a little more bearable! We are so very grateful for their extreme generosity and thankful that God has placed so many wonderful people along side us as we trudge through the valley of infertility!! It definitely makes you stop and think that there is a reason all of this happens...and although it’s so easy to get caught up in the hurt and emotional whirlwind that infertility ignites, sometimes you have to look up in the storm and see the light shining down in the distance…because we will all get through this…and having faith and family and friends to move along with you, is the best blessing you could ever ask for!

Shot countdown…20 days!

And the countdown begins...

Well Monday was our much anticipated IVF calendar review (you would think "much anticipated" would mean I would have written about it that night, but I think I'm still trying to figure this whole thing out…so bear with me). Overall the meeting went very well. Andrea, who will be our nurse coordinator throughout the process, was very nice and comforting and assured us multiple times that she understands what we're going through and that we are absolutely in the best care possible with Dr. Ahlering…who actually helped her conceive her two youngest children. That was definitely reassuring…and made me feel good that she truly did know what it was like to go through this crazy rollercoaster ride called IVF.

She gave us many handouts…all from the brightly colored calendar highlighting when to take all the medications, how much, etc…to detailed pictures showing how to perfectly fill a syringe and give the shot…to our pharmacy script showing the list of the many, many drugs we will be purchasing! It is a LOT of information…and I still have not reviewed it all, but I do have it all neatly organized into a binder that I decorated with pictures of babies and pregnancy and proudly named "Praying for a Family." So it's a start *smile*

Our stimulating (stim) med will be Gonal-F and from the dosages listed it does appear that we will not really be doing the low stim method…which was kind of what I figured, but that's ok. I'm sure Dr. Ahlering knows what's best as he does this all the time…and has practiced as an RE for many, many years. But of course, there is also a part of me that still wonders if we really do need a lot of extra drugs or if low stim really would work for us. I mean even with my high FSH (I really need to find out what the number is, because I can never remember) I responded REALLY well to the chlomid cycles we've done…and have had comments on several occasions, like "wow, even with your FSH your body seems to respond really well." So I am a little concerned about hyperstimulation on a full dose cycle, but I guess we'll just have to wait and see…and trust that he has thoroughly reviewed our case and picked everything based solely on what is best for us. And hopefully everything will go smoothly and we'll have a perfect number of follicles that will lead to a couple of healthy babies in our not so distant future!

So for now I'm trying to take things one day at a time…and relax! Ha…that is such a catch 22 in the infertility world, but I'll give it a try *smile* And although our first shot of Lupron isn't until the morning of August 20th…I'm sure it will be here before we know it so I'm going to try and enjoy things like sleeping through the night, caffeine, doing the P90X workout with Jacob, not living by a clock where everything is scheduled…and maybe even enjoying a beer or two…hehe…things that, come August 20th, will be a thing of the past…and hopefully for the next nine months!!

Shot Countdown: 28 Days

3rd Times a Charm

I went to my third and last Acupuncturist on Friday...Christine at WellBody Clinic in Maplewood. I say last because I loved her and will definitely continue seeing her as we venture into the unknown land of IVF. I was there for almost two hours on Friday and this time it wasn't because I was sitting in the waiting room for half of that time, but because she did such a thorough job of understanding our unique case so she could determine how best to help. After going through a multitude of questions she felt my different pulse points and looked at my tongue. She made sure I was comfortable before she began jabbing me with needles and checked in several times as she was "needling" me to make sure I was doing ok. I'm not exactly sure how long I was on the table, but I think it was somewhere between 45 minutes and an hour. It was very relaxing and I even drifted in and out of dream land a few times. After she "set me free" as she called it, I felt rejuvenated and knew that this was going to be an integral part of the journey ahead! It really felt like she was genuinely interested in helping us be successful and I think when you're going through something as heartbreaking as infertility...compassion and understanding rank very high on the list of must haves! She even lent me her own personal copy of The Infertility Cure so I could practice some acupressure at home on a couple of points she recommended. I am so happy that I made the decision to make the drive out to Maplewood (after being apprehensive about the distance) to see her and will continue doing so for atleast the next 10 weeks or so...until that first beta that will hopefully *fingers crossed* reveal that we're pregnant!! Now on to the calendar review...we will be meeting with Andrea today at 3 PM to find out when the craziness begins!! So stay tuned...more on that soon...

"IVF or Bust"

Yesterday was a big day for us…I had my pre-op appointment in the morning with Dr. Pearlstone and had decided ahead of time that I was not going to ask him about HDS levels, because really…we knew that regardless of what he would say, we are ready to move on to IVF. I mean it just makes the most sense. With everything we have working against us, it is highly unlikely that chlomid and IUI will work again…and even if it does another ectopic would be devastating…and I just don’t know if I could bear it! So onward and upward right? Right! ;o) Dr. Pearlstone seemed relatively relieved I think to hear this and said he thought we were making the right decision…although I honestly believe whichever decision we had made he would have stood behind us if that was what we were comfortable with. So I will just be having the hysteroscopy on Thursday which is definitely less invasive, so that’s good news.

Now on to the afternoon…we had an appointment with Rachel in Dr. Ahlering’s office to discuss the financials around doing a low stim IVF in September. I was really apprehensive for this meeting for some reason…maybe due to the issues we’ve had with their office recently, or to the fact that we were going to be putting down a large sum of money to secure our spot, or because I’m scared sh*tless that we’re already at this stage! It probably is a combination of all three, but needless to say, I was ready to get on with it. When we got in to the office with Rachel she immediately began describing the one cycle IVF costs to us and said she would get to the two cycle pricing soon. Jacob and I kinda looked at each other and smiled and I proudly stated, “we’re going to be doing the low stim cycle.” And she quickly retorted with “um, no you’re not…with your FSH level there is NO WAY you qualify for the low stim IVF.” I explained to her that Dr. Ahlering’s e-mail clearly stated that we would be doing the low stim with high resolution ICSI to account for the sperm issues. She kinda laughed and said, “you have male factor issues too? Ya, there is no way you can do it!” Ugh…here we go again!! I said, “that is why we’re here…that is why we decided to do this now, because he said we could do low stim.” She was like, “well I guess we’ll let you slip through this time, but you only get the one chance…you absolutely CAN NOT do this again!” Ok, like going through this whole process isn’t stressful enough, now you’re telling me we only get the one shot! I questioned if we were the only ones that got one shot at low stim or does this apply to everyone? She said something along the lines of “corporate determines the criteria for low stim and you do not qualify, so there is no way that they will let you do this again.” Whatever…she took $3000 off the bill and we moved on…and from what I can gather, we will likely be doing more of a regular cycle…just with a bit of a discount…which honestly with all the crap we’ve gone through with them, I think we’ve earned it *smile* I guess we’ll know for sure when we have our calendar review and find out what kinds of drugs/dosages they have lined up for us. So the good news is that we did it…we signed up for the September 8th IVF cycle…we are officially moving forward!! The bad news is that the sinking feeling I had in the pit of my stomach before the meeting never really went away…and it still hasn’t. I’ve really thought for the past month or so that IVF was the logical next step for us, and that we were in a sense falling behind if we didn’t jump on the bandwagon, and that when we did get to this point I would be elated with the possibility it holds, but for whatever reason that is not how I feel today…and I can’t really pinpoint why. I know some of it is definitely fear…fear of the shots, fear of the egg retrieval and the pain associated with it, fear of the waiting and anxiety and obsession that will surely overcome me as we’re praying my first beta is a good one! And most obviously…the fear that it may not work. I mean, I know we will do this more than once if our first one is not successful, but when you’re just at the chlomid/IUI phase…you know you are at the bottom of the ladder…you still have many rungs to climb up before you come to the end. There are still other options…other things you can try, but with IVF this is it…this is the final rung in trying to build our family. The only place we can go from here is adoption or the loony bin…ha! Just had to throw that in there! I know I need to try and remain positive…because this will hopefully be the best decision we’ve ever made…and by the end of September we’ll have the awesome news that we are pregnant…with twins…hehe!! So that is what I’m going to try and do from now on! Thanks for letting me get all that negative stuff out…I’m already starting to feel a little better *smile* And with that I’m going to end on a positive note…I found this lovely website (thank you Cathy) that calculates your due date based on your IVF cycle dates…so for September, here are the results…

First beta: September 27, 2009 (this would be when we would have the blood test to see if we were pregnant)
Singleton Due Date: June 05, 2010
Twins By Average Gestation: May 14, 2010 (haha…putting out the good vibe!)
Triplets By Average Gestation: April 17, 2010
Quads By Average Gestation: April 10, 2010

Thinking, Waiting, Wondering…

A strange thing happened last night...well maybe not strange, but unexpected due to the fact that I’ve been waiting for it for two weeks now...but Dr. Ahlering finally called! And I had planned to be really mean, or like pretend I didn’t know who he was, or something to let him know I was upset, but of course as soon as he said he was sorry, I was like “it’s no big deal.” Ha…I’m just too easy! The good news though is that we finally got some answers that have been a long time coming!!

First, our test results...for the most part these came back good, but there is yet another issue that was uncovered. Ugh...like we need anything else working against us! He did a DNA Fragmentation test on Jacob and his DNA fragmentation index (DFI) came back normal, but his High DNA Stainability (HDS) came back abnormal. From what I’ve read this indicates a high percentage of immature sperm. Anything greater than 15% is considered abnormal and Jacob came in at a whopping 42%. According to Dr. Ahlering this means that our chances of getting pregnant and having a successful pregnancy with IUI are very low and that IVF with ICSI is really our only option. Which I believe him, but there is still a part of me that has doubts about this theory…because one, we did get pregnant before with IUI and two, some of the literature I’ve found (on the internet so we all know how reliable that can be) indicates that the jury is still out on HDS’s impact on pregnancy rates. So I’m still a little unsure about how big of a deal this really is. But the second bit of news was we do qualify for the low stim IVF protocol! Hooray! This was originally going to be the decision maker of whether or not we move straight to IVF or give chlomid a few more tries...but that was two weeks ago *smile*

So now we have all the information, but I don’t feel like we have all the answers…and I don’t feel like there is necessarily a clear path laid out for us at this point. Do we continue with the surgery as planned next week? Do we have the polyp removed and the lap to look at my tube in the hopes of trying chlomid again? Or should we pass go and head straight on to IVF land? I’m pretty confused and torn at this point. We have two appointments scheduled for Monday that will hopefully help us decide. The first is with Dr. Pearlstone to discuss my surgery. I am going to tell him about the new findings and get his opinion on it…and if he agrees that IVF with ICSI is the best option then I think we’ll plan to just do the hysteroscopy on the 16th and skip the lap. If he strongly discounts that HDS has a role in our success, then appointment number 2 with Dr. Ahlering’s office will likely be the decision maker as we are scheduled to discuss all the lovely financial details around signing up for the September IVF cycle…yikes! Either way please keep us in your prayers that the decision on Monday is an easy one...or at the very least that we can make a decision and finally begin to move forward again!

Drinking & Acupuncture don’t mix!

As I mentioned yesterday I did venture to an acupuncturist last night out in St. Peters…this was actually my second appointment with her, where I assumed she’d check my pulse points, my nails, my tongue…and ask me all the personal questions you would expect to get a good diagnosis and treatment plan in place. Instead though she just asked if I had filled out “the survey” last time I was in (I believe she was referring to the Chinese Health Survey…not sure that is its technical name, but something similar) and when I said no, she was like ok….and that was the end of it. She never asked me to fill it out, or any questions about what issues I’m having, what I’m trying to accomplish with acupuncture, etc. She just asked if I had any questions for her as she led me out into another room. As an aside, I must mention that this other “room” is actually just a large open space where I was originally waiting for a half hour and counting the NINE patients they had laying on various tables hooked up to all sorts of machines, several of them without their shirts on…men of course…but not, by any stretch of the imagination, what you picture when you are thinking of getting acupuncture to help relieve stress! And exactly the place where I told her I did NOT want to have my acupuncture done. But before I knew it I was laying on one of the tables with her quickly feeling my pulse and looking inquisitively at me asking what I had eaten in the past few hours. When I said popcorn and diet pepsi she immediately began yelling at me…telling me I have to cut out all soda now if I want to even think about having a healthy pregnancy! After she feels I'm sufficiently reprimanded, she begins jabbing the needles in to my hands…and it HURTS! Everything I’ve heard and read about acupuncture is that it does not hurt so when I asked her if it was supposed to she was like “well it’s because of that soda you drank…it’s tearing up your gut!” Whatever…I don’t believe her. Yes, soda is not exactly a health food drink, but having one or two a day is not going to be the death of me. There are far worse things I can think of that I know I should cut out now to improve my health…and soda is not at the top of the list...atleast not yet. So anyway as the needles continue to go in (I think I had three in each hand and three in each leg and one directly in the top of my head) I try to relax, but at this point I am really worked up…and as you all know my hormones are out of whack so…on come the water works. Yep, that’s right…I start crying…right there on the stupid chiropractor table…out in a big open room with likely nine other people staring at me…luckily I have needles everywhere so I can’t sit up to see them. But I was just overwhelmed and was not expecting this. I was sure I was going in to figure out our plan of attack to get me in the best physical/spiritual shape possible for when we can begin trying again in August…not to just be a pin cushion for the normal acupuncture protocol…because I am sure the needles she put in really had nothing to do with infertility (especially as none of them were placed in my stomach). She was just rushed and didn’t have the time to dedicate to me so was just trying to push me through to her little chiropractor assistants…who finished up everything else.

So I guess the good news is I tried it…which I’ve wanted to do for a while. But as I sit here enjoying a nice cold diet pepsi *smile* writing about my experience, I know one thing for sure…I will not be returning to Dr. Crosby’s office. If I do decide to give acupuncture another try I am going to head out to Maplewood and go to The Wellbody Clinic…it is obviously the only place you can get good acupuncture/infertility treatment in St. Louis!

It’s a bird…it’s a plane…no it’s “The Mommy Mobile”

Not much exciting has happened this past week in regards to the fertility stuff. Still just waiting for my surgery…10 days from today. I finally get to stop taking the agysten which will be nice because my hormones are seriously out of whack right now! Today is my last dose…and then next Monday I have my pre-op appointment with Dr. Pearlstone to go over all the lovely details. I’m getting a little nervous just thinking about it. Not that it’s a major surgery or anything, but they do put me all the way under so that alone is kinda scary. So I guess keep us in your prayers that everything goes as planned and we can get back to baby-making stuff soon!

In other news though…and as the title suggests we bought a new car!! It’s a beautiful pearl white Mazda CX9! And in case you don’t know…the CX9 seats 7!! So I’m calling it my mommy mobile because hopefully one day…in the not so distant future…it will be used to haul around all the wonderful little children we’re going to have!! And there's plenty of room in case they end up coming in pairs or in threes...haha! For right now though I’m just enjoying the wonderful new car smell…the lovely lit up dashboard (it’s very bright compared to the old alero)…and the lack of clicking! Haha…my old car was a great car, but for the last few years it has clicked…basically like a blinker on steroids! Just a very fast clicking noise that was present pretty much all the time…thank goodness for radios! And even better…thank goodness for new cars that don’t click *smile*

Guess that’s about it for now…I’m going to see an acupuncturist tonight…so more on that to come!!