Breath in - Breath out

Those of you that know me well, know my personality...I am a worrier, a planner, a bit of a control freak :o) and all of those things are seriously being ampliphied already and I'm only 4 weeks pregnant!! First let me start with the awesome news...you all saw my post on Friday that we are officially pregnant! We tried to document the occassion with a picture of the pregnancy test, but as you'll see below, those are really hard to capture on camera :o)



Despite the bad picture we really are pregnant!! Our blood tests came back with HCG levels of 7 and 61. The goal is for your numbers to double every 48 hours or so...ours was pretty much 9X's higher after 2 days...so that is an awesome step in the right direction! I'm trying really hard to not get caught up in the numbers though as they vary so much by person...the ultrasound on the 6th will really be what will tell us how our babies are doing...and if there is baby or babies hanging out in there :o) Jacob and I have had a lot of fun talking about our little miracles and how excited we are to meet them next spring! We even broke out the name book we had bought back in February and began playing the name game. As I mentioned in a previous post we have a boy and a girl name picked out already, but decided we might need to be prepared just in case we're doubly blessed! I'm still leaning towards thinking there is just one, but Jacob is just sure it's twins! At this point, all I want is for any babies that are in there that they hang on tight and grow, grow, grow!!

Now on to the worrying...:o) I have warned Jacob from the get go, that if we got the wonderful news on the 25th that we were pregnant it was going to be a LONG anxious week or so as we await our first ultrasound. And the fun has already begun...haha!! I've been told that as soon as you become pregnant you are aleady a Mom because that is when all the worrying begins...and it will never really end. And as someone who has been suffering with infertility for almost 3 years I think the fear and worry about what could happen is just all the more apparant...especially after suffering a loss 8 short months ago. So as on top of the world as I feel, there is always that nagging voice in the back of my head saying "slow down...don't get too excited, yet!" Of course it didn't help that I had a little bleeding and cramping going on yesterday. I pretty much freaked out!! From what I've read this is totally normal and nothing to worry about, but as my rational side tried to calm my emotional side down the truth is my heart was sinking as I dreaded the worst. I'm feeling much better today, so hopefully it was nothing, but please continue to keep Jacob and I and our little miracles in your prayers! This first trimester is a scary one, but hopefully we'll make it through with out any problems!

Countdown to 1st Ultrasound: 9 days!

We're pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I think this has been the longest day of my life!! I've been freaking out because Dr. Ahlering's office was not calling...I've been crying...I e-mailed them and called and left a message for someone to please call me...and almost 2 hours later they finally did...and the verdict...we're pregnant!!!!!!!! Our betas were 7 & 61...so likely only one little one growing in there, but as long as it's in the right place and all is well I don't care!! Hooray! Our first ultrasound will be October 6th. More to come...once I can stop shaking! hehe! :o)

Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers...keep em coming!

2 more getups

Jacob and I always talk about the number of "get ups" (i.e. waking up in the morning...usually referring to the dreaded 5:15 AM alarm before work) we have left when there is something exciting coming up that we are anxiously awaiting...like a pregnancy test for example :o) So today we were both giddy with the thought that only two more get ups till we find out if we're pregnant!! Hooray! It can't come fast enough! The past week since the transfer has actually kinda flown by. I took it easy all day Friday and then tried to keep my weekend errands and chores to a minimum. I definitely felt like there was something going on in my uterus over the weekend as I had some cramping and what I'm calling twinges...but it kinda felt like someone was pinching me from the inside...haha...very strange. I'm hoping and praying it was our two little miracles staking their ground in my uterus for the long haul! I guess we'll know soon enough! The past few days I've felt mostly back to normal...of course I'm analyzing and over analyzing every little pain or lack of pain I feel, but then trying to rationalize that it is probably all in my head anyway so not to worry about it...haha! It's all a big emotional rollar coaster that I so hope is coming to a hault soon!

Thanks again for all the thoughts and prayers! I'll try to update the blog as soon as I can on Friday so you all know how it turns out.

Countdown to pregnancy test: 2 days!!!!!!!

Miracles Happen Every Day

Yesterday was Jacob’s 30th birthday and we couldn’t think of a better way to spend it than to have two beautiful blastocycts transferred to my uterus *smile* That’s right…yesterday morning I got the call from Dr. Ahlering’s office that our embryos were ready and that we should be there at 1:15 PM for our little babies to be placed in what hopefully will be there home for the next 9 months. The whole thing was just so surreal…Jacob and I were taken into the room and as I held his hand the embryologist brought in the catheter that contained our two little ones…our two babies who we will hopefully be meeting in approximately nine months!!

It was an emotional day…the weight of it all kind of came crashing in as I prepared yesterday morning, as I laid on the table and the embryos were transferred back to me, and even yesterday afternoon/evening as I tried to relax during my 24 hour bedrest. It is truly a blessing that we’ve come this far…and that on top of the two amazing babies in my belly we also have 4 frozen for the future. We are so lucky!

So now as I continue to take it easy…and hope and pray that the little twinges I’m feeling in my belly are our little ones snuggling in for the long run (although I don’t think that actually happens until tomorrow or Sunday…I’m officially PUPO…pregnant until proven otherwise…haha! And with my second beta only 1 week away, hopefully soon we will be able to announce that we’re dropping the “until proven otherwise” Yeah!!

I told Jacob after it was over and I was laying in the office for the required 30 minutes that we had to name them…that all that had gone before us had given there little embryos names…so as we looked at the lovely picture below he blurted out lemonjello and orangejello…haha!! I know it doesn’t come through as funny over the web, but Jacob and I have long joked about the names “lemongelo” and “orangelo” (that’s a little closer to how you would pronounce them) because of the old wives tale that some cruel parents named there kids this!! I was thinking more along the lines of something sticky like Caramel or Gluey (hey, those are real names right?) Haha! But I think when it is all said and done, for now we’re just going to call them our perfect little miracles…because that is truly what they are!!


And in case you’re wondering…here is what is thought to be happening with our miracles right now…

-1dpt ..embryo is growing and developing
0dpt... Embryo is now a blastocyst
1dpt....Blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day
2dpt.. Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining
3dpt.. Implantation begins,as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining
4dpt.. Implantation process continues and morula buries deeper in the lining
5dpt.. Morula is completely inmplanted in the lining and has placenta cells & fetal cells
6dpt...Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood (First blood test)
7dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops
8dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops (Second blood test...find out if we're pregnant!!)
9dpt...HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on HPT

Countdown to pregnancy test (2nd beta): 7 days!!!

Day 3 Report

Our little ones are all doing really good and all still hanging in there :o) Here is the grade and cell division report from today:

1 Grade 3 with 2 cells
1 Grade 2 with 5 cells
1 Grade 2 with 6 cells
3 Grade 1 with 8 cells
3 Grade 2 with 8 cells
3 Grade 1 with 9 cells
2 Grade 2 with 9 cells
1 Grade 1 with 10 cells

Ideally you like to see a grade 1 or 2 with atleast 8 cells...so all of ours fall into that category except 3...so for now things are still looking very positive!! Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers!! Thursday can't come soon enough! Mary told me they will likely call me Thursday morning and let me know when to come in for transfer so for now...just more waiting :o) Sorry this is a short one...I'm trying to stay busy and not think about it too much...or I'll go crazy!! So back to work :o)

Countdown to ET: 2 days!!

Another Amazing Day!

So you are not going to believe this...I can still hardly believe it, but right now, at this very moment...we have 15 beautiful little babies growing in their tiny petri dishes at the doctors office!!! That's right...we got the call from Andrea this morning saying that 16 out of the 17 eggs retrieved yesterday were mature and 15 of them fertilized!! It is such a miracle and we feel so blessed that we've had such a good response so far...way better then we imagined even a week ago!! Andrea said they will call us again on Tuesday and give us a report on how our babies are doing and let us know how many are continuing to grow and divide. Tuesday seems like forever away right now as I want the play by play of how each of them is doing, growing, changing, but I know that is not possible...so I'm trying to remain patient and just trust in God! He is so amazing and is definitely working in our lives and our hearts through this whole process! So for now, we are very hopeful and just relaxing and enjoying the blessings that keep appearing before us!!

On another note, we did our first *dreaded* progesterone shot last night and all I can say is thank goodness for all the build up and making it seem like the scariest thing ever...because when it came to actually doing it, it was quite easy! I had read on our doctors message boards that the best way to go about these shots is to actually use a heating pad to heat up the syringe full of the medicine...since it is an oil a lot of the pain actually comes from it going in to your muscle...as it is really thick. So I had the syringe in a heating pad for about 30 minutes last night prior to shot time. I then laid down on my stomach on the bed and tried to prepare for the pain! Jacob had an easy target becuase I had Andrea draw some bullseyes on my hips to show him exactly where to stick me. He asked if I was ready, to which I quickly replied "no, but just do it anyway" haha! And he did! The stick itself wasn't any worse then all the stomach ones I've been enduring for weeks...the worst part was just waiting for him to push it all in. The second recommendation from the boards was to push it in REALLY slowly...which he did...and it seemed like it took forever, but I couldn't really feel anything so that was just perfect! And the good thing is you only do these every three days, so today and tomorrow are totally shot free days! Hooray!!

Thanks again for all the thoughts and prayers! We are so very hopeful and counting the many, many, blessings we have been given!! Only a few short days till transfer now...I hope the good news just keeps on coming!!

Countdown to Embryo Transfer (ET): 4 days!

Awe & Amazement

That pretty much sums it up!! We went in for our egg retrieval today...got there about 15 minutes early at 11:45 AM and had a slight wait before they took me back to my small room and told me to get totally undressed and slip into the ever lovely hospital gown. I laid in the bed awhile waiting and listening to the nurses playing dress up outside the room as they fixed each others hair...they were having quit a bit of fun...it was kind of a weird experience as I just laid there...the weight of what was about to happen on my mind. Finally Andrea, our coordinator came in and took my vitals and got my IV hooked up...which by the way...OUCH!! I just hate getting IV's...I mean, they really just hurt! Luckily within a few minutes it was all hooked up and the pain went away. They then brought Jacob back thankfully to entertain me as I waited for it to be my turn to go in "THE ROOM." The entire time I got to listen to the girls before me going into the room counscious and coming out sounding like they had just been slipped the date rape drug or something...there was a lot of slurring going on all around me!! Haha! Finally...it was my turn. They took me in to the small dark room and had me sit on the table with my whole legs up in the stirrups...it actually wasn't too uncomfortable...better then the normal OB tables with stirrups for your feet...these were actually padded ones that you put your knees in. The anesticist started injecting things into my IV...one to relax me and one for the pain. It was a very strange feeling, because I could tell everything that was going on and could definitely sense that it hurt, but it didn't hurt bad enough for me to say anything...so I just laid there in my half counscious state and waited for what was coming next. Then after what seemed like no time at all, they had me move on to the gurney and wheeled me back to my starting room and that was it! So, here's the best part of the whole thing...I told Jacob to ask them how many they retrieved...and based on the Ultrasounds all week was expecting maybe 10 or 11, but what they said is so much better than that!! SEVENTEEN!!!!

I still cannot even believe it...I mean, I'm wondering if they mixed my file up with someone elses or something, because 17? That is just so amazing! God is so awesome! So now we just wait until tomorrow and will be praying like crazy that we have lots of mature, good quality eggs in that group of 17!! So more to come tomorrow! Please continue to keep us in your prayers...we really appreciate everyone that is pulling for us! And are hopeful that we'll be pregnant very, VERY soon!

We're on the clock!

At exactly 11:00 PM sharp tonight I will be getting my HCG trigger shot...the shot that is the final step in maturing all my eggs so that we will be ready for egg retrieval on Saturday!!! It feels so great to know exactly when it will all happen now as it seems like it's taken forever to get here! Dr. A gave us the thumbs up after the ultrasound today. He said he was tempted to wait another day because of a few eggs measuring in at only 15 mm, but he decided in the end it was better not to gamble with the really good 20-22mm ones I had...so here we are! A little over an hour and I get the last shot in my belly...hopefully forever! And right now I'm feeling excited, anxious, eager, overwhelmed, hopeful and pretty much every other emotion there is!

Besides the plethora of emotions...I am also feeling EXTREMELY bloated...ugh. My ovaries are so tender that I feel like they may just pop if I make any sudden movements! So I've been taken' it easy and staying away from any and all sharp objects...haha....just kidding :o) But I have been trying to wear loose clothing and go easy on my poor stomach for a few more days. I feel like I'm carrying precious cargo in there...and those are just the eggs...I can't even imagine how it's going to be when they transfer the embryos to me next week...then I truly will be extra super cautious of everything I'm sure!!

Last thing, then I'll sign off for now...in exactly two weeks from today there is a real chance we will find out that we're pregnant! Two weeks! It may seem like forever away now, but it will be here before we know it and I'm just hoping and praying for a miracle!

Countdown to ER: 39 hours 11 minutes!!!

Moving Target

I had another ultrasound and bloodtest today and Dr. A seemed genuingly pleased with the progress we made since yesterday...so much so that we're doing another round of stims tonight and doing it all over again tomorrow. So no trigger shot tonight and no egg retrieval on Friday...it now appears that it will be Saturday. He's still guestimating the number to be in the upper singles...so please keep praying that it all works out and that they are all good quality eggs...because I know that is the most important thing ;o) even if there are only 8 or 9 of them!

It was funny...at the ultrasound Dr. A came in without the nurse and said she'd be right behind him...typically someone comes in with him and writes down the size of the follicles as he calls them out for each side. So we got started and he starts measuring all of them, but no one ever came in. So he was like holding the "ultrasound wand" with one hand and reaching for a paper towel and pen with the other so he could keep track of all of them! Haha! He was having trouble juggling it all and was maneuvering to try and find another position to do it all. I offered to help write them down from my reclined state and he quickly responded, "no, no...your only job is to work on making some nice good follicles!" Haha...I asked him if that meant I didn't have to go back to work after this. We both got a good laugh out of it and he said I should call in and tell them I'm taking the day off to make follicles! Wouldn't that be great *grin*

Other than that I'm feeling a little more optimistic today...thanks to everyone for cheering me up and reminding me that 8-10 can totally result in a healthy baby! So positive thoughts, positive thoughts, positive thoughts...:o)

More tomorrow...

Countdown to ER: ~3 Days!! *again*

Anyone have Eggs for sale?

Today I went in for my cycle day 9 ultrasound to see how I've been responding to the stimulant meds...this will determine when egg retrieval will be and about how many eggs we can hope to retrieve. Unfortunately though I was a little disheartened by what they found. They said my lining looks great at about a 10, so that's good news. Regarding follicles here is the approximate breakdown from what I remember...I might be off a little (the goal is for them to be between 18 and 20 mm to trigger)

12 mm (2)
14 mm (2)
15 mm (2)
16 mm (2)
17 mm (1)
18 mm (1)

Based on what I found online anywhere from 8-15 is considered "average"...so I do fall within that range. I guess the let down came because when we went for our initial follicle count last week he said he thought there were about 12 or so follicles. Based on that, I was getting my hopes up that 12 would probably be the LEAST amount of follicles we would have...and that we'd have a few small ones that would surprise us today by growing to the right size and giving us more like 15 or so eggs. Not so much :o( We did have one overachiever in the group though that came in a whopping 25 mm already! Yikes! It's on my left side and I'm guessing is likely to blame for the cramping I've been having down there. So after the ultrasound Dr. A. studied everything again briefly and decided to give me another shot of stims tonight (and uped the dosage from 150 to 225) and then I go again tomorrow and do this all over again. He said he's pretty sure egg retrieval will be this Friday...Saturday at the latest. Right now I'm just praying, wishing, hoping that this extra dose of stims tonight will bring those little ones up to the perfect size...and that it won't cause our 17 & 18 ones to get too "overdone." I'm trying to stay calm and relaxed, but this whole thing is just overwhelming and unpredictable! I mean...8 eggs could be more than enough to give us a happy healthy baby or two, but there are sooo many unknown variables left to go!! Like, what if not all of these 8 follicles have eggs in them...now we're down to 6 or 7...and what if the two 12's get bigger, but aren't mature once retrieved...now we're down to 4 or 5...let's just say all 5 fertilize since we're doing ICSI, but then what if they all don't make it to a day 5 blastocyct stage. We could very easily be down to only 1 good embryo to transfer!! Which is just terrifying!! Especially since the quality of my eggs is questionable anyway there is probably a good chance that 8 eggs retrieved does not mean 8 beautiful embryos! Ugh! I'm scared and just feeling kinda down right now, so thanks for letting me vent! Hopefully these are the worst case scenarios and everything will work out perfectly over the next week or so. Just keep us in your prayers because the stress of it all is already getting to me and we still have a ways to go!!

Countdown to ER: ~3 days!!

Lookout ER here we come!

Hi from Lookout Mountain Georgia everyone! Jacob and I are down here for the long holiday weekend visiting his sister Shannon and her husband Kyle and their adorable little boy Kade. So far we've been taking it pretty easy and enjoying the mild weather and beautiful views! We did venture out to do some hiking today to see a few waterfalls and the trek proved to be pretty tough...due to the steep incline you were pretty much walking on steps instead of trails the majority of the time. We decided to count the steps on the way up just to see and the total was...drumroll please...644 steps...straight up!!!! I was feeling pretty worn out and my already sore body was definitely excited to see the car!! So speaking of sore body...we've been on the stims since Tuesday and I'm probably paying extra close attention to everything, but I swear my ovaries are quite tender. Especially on my left side. It does seem like after the ectopic my left side is more painful whenever anything is going on down there...like having my monthly visitor I can usually feel more pain on that side...so that may be the same case now. I'm taking it as a good sign though that the stims appear to be working and are hopefully cooking up lots of lovely little eggies in there! Our cycle day 9 ultrasound will be on Tuesday so we'll get a good idea then what is going on in there! And I have to say as much fun as I'm having here and enjoying spending time with the family on top of this lovely mountain...there is a part of me that is just counting down the hours till Tuesday morning so we can find out about how many eggs we might hope to retrieve and get an idea of exactly when the retrieval is going to be. For now I'm still assuming it will be next Saturday, the 12th, which is only ONE week away! I can't believe it...that will be here before we know it!! I can't wait!

Countdown to ER: ~7 day!!