Finally!!!!

Ultrasound day!!  I thought this day would never come!  I'm so excited and so nervous!!  Lots and lots of prayers please :o)

Flashbacks...

Having a miscarriage is one of the worst things I have ever endured...having two about broke me in half, but one of the worst things about losing a baby is that it never really leaves your heart.  It basically robs you of the joy of being pregnant in that I'm so scared to get excited at this point I've mostly been trying to pretend I'm not pregnant...how sad is that :o(  I don't want to think about names, don't want to day dream about decorating a nursery (my absolute like favorite thing in the world to do!), I don't want to wander past cute baby clothes in the store, don't want to see other baby bumps...it's like going through the pain of infertility all over again, except now I am AM pregnant!  It makes me sad.  I just want to celebrate and shout it from the roof tops, but my head keeps telling me...don't make a move, let's just wait and see and make sure everything looks ok first.

And tomorrow I will be 7 weeks pregnant...the 7th week was when I had the last miscarriage.  And I am feeling more positive about this one...I feel more pregnant than last time...but last time I was completely blindsided when I started bleeding...so how can I not be worried?  Because I know it can happen in an instant with no warning at all.  Just about every time I go to the bathroom now I am freaking out that there might be some blood and I have a horrible flashback to that gut wrenching night in Belgium when our baby was no longer with us.  I don't want to relive that terrible memory ever again, but it's engrained in my heart and keeps mocking me with the uncertainty of the future of our little ones.  Every day...I breathe a sigh of relief that we made it through another day...that we are one step closer to completing our family!

I just pray that this is it!  That the baby (or babies) in my belly are in it for the long haul and we don't ever have to struggle with infertility again.  I know that God is the only one who can see us through this and bring us out on the other side stronger and ready to put the pain to rest.

Countdown to ultrasound: 6 days!!!!

Medicine Woes

Since we found out last week that we were pregnant the first order of business was finding out where/how I was going to get my second intralipids infusion for the natural killer cell issue.  Dr. Sher's office was "working" on it all day Friday as I needed the infusion on Monday.  Not a lot of time to search an area they weren't familiar with, but I had high hopes that they would figure it out.  I mean I needed it...surely they would find something...nope!  At around 4 PM our time I got an e-mail saying, "sorry, I can't find any place...you will just have to come to St. Louis for the treatment"...um no!  I had already told her we were a nine plus hour drive away!  I immediately responded that that was just not going to be possible and started the search on my own.  Luckily one of the other nurses had mentioned something about Walgreens infusion centers so I looked for the closest one and asked for her help in contacting one in Somerset, Kentucky.  It was still a three hour drive from here, but that's much improved over a one day trip to St. Louis! Luckily they were able to get me in on Monday and Jacob was able to stay with Autumn so I could make the drive!  After this possibly being the cause of our miscarriage last fall there was absolutely no way I wasn't going to have it done!

It was a surprisingly easy drive there and back (not that I want to be doing it all the time!) through some pretty mountain roads.  And all went well as I sat there for two hours soaking in all the intralipids and praying that it would mean a successful pregnancy this time!  And it's such a small world...the nurse who administered them and I discovered some family friends of hers are headed on mission to Brussels Belgium to be at the church we absolutely loved over there, LifePoint!

In other news, unfortunately my allergies to Progesterone in Oil shots has not gotten better.  By the end of my time using them with Autumn I was covered in VERY itchy hives at the injection site...and with each shot my entire body would tingle/itch and my chest would tighten like my breathing was going to become impaired.   Dr. Ahlering took me off the shots immediately...and luckily we were close enough to the end that it didn't matter.  In October I had the terrible hives and itching again, but no breathing issues so I continued them the entire time.  And once again (after trying every type of oil available) I have the hives and itching with this cycle...and this time they were having me do them every night instead of every other.  I was also starting to get the tingling sensation.  I was getting somewhat nervous about it (to the point that I got out Autumn's epi-pen...which is totally expired and would be way too small a dose for me...but it would probably hold me over till an Ambulance could arrive right?).  Anyway...I mentioned it to the nurse and she consulted with Dr. Sher and they decided to switch me to Crinone (a gel progesterone that I use twice a day).  I was really nervous to switch off the shots especially when they keep saying, "it's not the preferred method, but it's been fine for many women."  I know there is no guarantees, but I just pray it does the job.  Hoping for an uneventful pregnancy from here on out!!

Countdown to Ultrasound: 18 days!!!