Bye, Bye First Trimester!

And boy oh boy was it a wild one!  We went to our ultrasound on August 19th and saw one perfect little baby...saw and heard the heartbeat...doctor said everything looked great!  Phew...we started getting excited!  Although all that excitement turned to terror when I got home not even an hour later and started bleeding.  At first I thought maybe it was just from the lovely ultrasound "wand" since it was an internal ultrasound, but then it got heavier and hope turned to devastation as I was sure this was the beginning of the end.  We rushed to the ER after calling the triage at my OB's office and prepared ourselves for the worst.  It was just so strange...seeing our perfect little one just an hour before...how could this be happening?  They did a pelvic exam and with the amount of blood lost the ER doctor declared he was pretty positive it was a miscarriage and that we should go home and just call my OB in the morning.  He went to talk to my OB since she was on call that night and thankfully she was able to pull some strings and get me an ultrasound that night.  And miracle of miracles the ultrasound showed our baby was still in there and doing great!  It turns out the blood was coming from a clot between the placenta and my lining called a "Subchorionic Hemorrhage." I couldn't stop crying...to believe it was over and then to get such wonderful news was amazing!  God had blessed us again. The next week was really rough...three days later we were back in the ER with another major bleed...it almost felt like my water broke, but was a rush of blood.  Once again fear dominated while we prayed that another miracle would be granted us...and it was.  God is so good!!

Over the next few weeks my OB said it was touch and go.  I had four ultrasounds during my eighth week of pregnancy all showing the bleed getting bigger.  And had an ultrasound every week for the next few.  Thankfully my Mom was able to come in and help out, especially when they put me on bed rest...and it worked.  The clot is almost gone.  My cramping and bleeding has stopped and baby is growing perfectly.

Tomorrow I will be 14 weeks...the first day of the second trimester.  We are feeling hopeful and praying for a much quieter second and third trimester and that God will continue to wrap his arms around me and our tiny perfect little baby.  And that we will be blessed with the newest addition to our family next spring!

Finally!!!!

Ultrasound day!!  I thought this day would never come!  I'm so excited and so nervous!!  Lots and lots of prayers please :o)

Flashbacks...

Having a miscarriage is one of the worst things I have ever endured...having two about broke me in half, but one of the worst things about losing a baby is that it never really leaves your heart.  It basically robs you of the joy of being pregnant in that I'm so scared to get excited at this point I've mostly been trying to pretend I'm not pregnant...how sad is that :o(  I don't want to think about names, don't want to day dream about decorating a nursery (my absolute like favorite thing in the world to do!), I don't want to wander past cute baby clothes in the store, don't want to see other baby bumps...it's like going through the pain of infertility all over again, except now I am AM pregnant!  It makes me sad.  I just want to celebrate and shout it from the roof tops, but my head keeps telling me...don't make a move, let's just wait and see and make sure everything looks ok first.

And tomorrow I will be 7 weeks pregnant...the 7th week was when I had the last miscarriage.  And I am feeling more positive about this one...I feel more pregnant than last time...but last time I was completely blindsided when I started bleeding...so how can I not be worried?  Because I know it can happen in an instant with no warning at all.  Just about every time I go to the bathroom now I am freaking out that there might be some blood and I have a horrible flashback to that gut wrenching night in Belgium when our baby was no longer with us.  I don't want to relive that terrible memory ever again, but it's engrained in my heart and keeps mocking me with the uncertainty of the future of our little ones.  Every day...I breathe a sigh of relief that we made it through another day...that we are one step closer to completing our family!

I just pray that this is it!  That the baby (or babies) in my belly are in it for the long haul and we don't ever have to struggle with infertility again.  I know that God is the only one who can see us through this and bring us out on the other side stronger and ready to put the pain to rest.

Countdown to ultrasound: 6 days!!!!

Medicine Woes

Since we found out last week that we were pregnant the first order of business was finding out where/how I was going to get my second intralipids infusion for the natural killer cell issue.  Dr. Sher's office was "working" on it all day Friday as I needed the infusion on Monday.  Not a lot of time to search an area they weren't familiar with, but I had high hopes that they would figure it out.  I mean I needed it...surely they would find something...nope!  At around 4 PM our time I got an e-mail saying, "sorry, I can't find any place...you will just have to come to St. Louis for the treatment"...um no!  I had already told her we were a nine plus hour drive away!  I immediately responded that that was just not going to be possible and started the search on my own.  Luckily one of the other nurses had mentioned something about Walgreens infusion centers so I looked for the closest one and asked for her help in contacting one in Somerset, Kentucky.  It was still a three hour drive from here, but that's much improved over a one day trip to St. Louis! Luckily they were able to get me in on Monday and Jacob was able to stay with Autumn so I could make the drive!  After this possibly being the cause of our miscarriage last fall there was absolutely no way I wasn't going to have it done!

It was a surprisingly easy drive there and back (not that I want to be doing it all the time!) through some pretty mountain roads.  And all went well as I sat there for two hours soaking in all the intralipids and praying that it would mean a successful pregnancy this time!  And it's such a small world...the nurse who administered them and I discovered some family friends of hers are headed on mission to Brussels Belgium to be at the church we absolutely loved over there, LifePoint!

In other news, unfortunately my allergies to Progesterone in Oil shots has not gotten better.  By the end of my time using them with Autumn I was covered in VERY itchy hives at the injection site...and with each shot my entire body would tingle/itch and my chest would tighten like my breathing was going to become impaired.   Dr. Ahlering took me off the shots immediately...and luckily we were close enough to the end that it didn't matter.  In October I had the terrible hives and itching again, but no breathing issues so I continued them the entire time.  And once again (after trying every type of oil available) I have the hives and itching with this cycle...and this time they were having me do them every night instead of every other.  I was also starting to get the tingling sensation.  I was getting somewhat nervous about it (to the point that I got out Autumn's epi-pen...which is totally expired and would be way too small a dose for me...but it would probably hold me over till an Ambulance could arrive right?).  Anyway...I mentioned it to the nurse and she consulted with Dr. Sher and they decided to switch me to Crinone (a gel progesterone that I use twice a day).  I was really nervous to switch off the shots especially when they keep saying, "it's not the preferred method, but it's been fine for many women."  I know there is no guarantees, but I just pray it does the job.  Hoping for an uneventful pregnancy from here on out!!

Countdown to Ultrasound: 18 days!!!

We Rocked It!

We are PREGNANT!!!  Man, my body really responds well to IVF considering we are 3 for 3 now!  That is just amazing.  And with my highest betas yet...31 and 96!  I don't think they are quite high enough to expect to see more than one in there, but I'm sure hoping they are high enough that it means our little one is going to be sticking around for the long haul this time!  Ultrasound is scheduled for August 19th...ugh, how am I going to make it till then.  Hoping for a busy & quick couple of weeks!

Third Times the Charm...

I sure hope that is true...since this is both our third IVF cycle (one fresh, two frozen) and our third attempt at doing this actual cycle (I've had two cancelled ones in March & April due to my uterine lining being too thick).  I'm hoping it was good luck that we started this cycle on Father's Day AND our 7 year Wedding Anniversary...it can't hurt anything right?  It seems like it's taken forever to get here and I feel totally freaked out and amazingly calm at the same time...if that's possible :o)  My body has taken an extremely long time to get "back to normal" after the miscarriage last fall...hence all the cancelled cycles.  But finally this month every scan went perfect and it seems like things are back on track.

We made the long trek to St. Louis to do this cycle with Dr. Sher (he replaced Dr. Ahlering for the interim till his replacement Dr. Dahlia is up to speed).  I will say he doesn't have the bedside manner Dr. Ahlering had, but the man invented like half the current IVF protocol being used so to say I trust him is an understatement.  And the best part about going to St. Louis to do it (aside from getting to visit friends and family of course) is I also got to sneak in a few acupuncture appointments with Christine at Wellbody!  It is amazingly relaxing for me so I feel like it's a huge help with my cycle.  The biggest surprise of all in St. Louise was when I went in to the office to pick up a script for a blood test and casually asked what this "Intra Lipids" thing on my calendar was.  The looked at me shocked and said "you don't know what that is?"  Come to find out the blood test I had back in April to determine if I had something called Natural Killer Cells came back positive...and no one told me!  The whole idea of Natural Killer Cells and the role they play in implantation and a successful pregnancy is one I won't even try to pretend I understand.  Here is an article written by Dr. Sher on the subject if you are interested.  The good news is there is a solution...Intralipid Infusion!  And luckily after some scrambling they were able to get me an appointment that day where I had to go to the Pratt Cancer center and sit for two hours while they pumped Inralipids into an IV in my arm (I won't go in to details of the first 3 attempts of getting an IV started on me either...let's just say I looked a bit like a drug addict with huge bruises on my arms for a week or so!).  And if it turns out I'm pregnant we will have to find some place around here for me to have another one done...let's hope that's the case :o)

I had the transfer done last Monday, July 15th.  The embryologist came in and brought me a picture of our two little freezer babies and I teared up at the thought of these two being a part of our lives for many years to come.  The whole thing is such an amazing experience and I just praise God that we live in a world where this is possible.  The transfer went seamless and then it was on to the "two week wait"...more like one and a half weeks, but long enough!!  Over the next few days I felt all the twinges and tightening sensations I've experienced with the previous two cycles so I'm hoping that is a good sign.  I go for my second beta tomorrow and will be anxiously awaiting that phone call from SIRM!!  If it's positive then I have the even longer wait for the first ultrasound...I think another two weeks or so.  So prayers and lots of sticky vibes please...I am REALLY hoping this is the last time we ever have to go through the lovely IVF process ever again! :o)