We are on our way!!

Finally...we have arrived! Today marked the start of our IVF cycle as we began the medications! Hooray! I never thought I'd use that word to describe getting from 1-3 shots a day, but hey, if it results in a happy and healthy baby or two in the end it is EXACTLY how I feel. Excited, elated, ready to get this party started! haha!

The shot itself went off without a hitch this morning...well, more or less. I really wanted it to be a nice relaxed atmosphere as Jacob and I prepared and gave the shot together...I planned to put on a nice cd, take our time, read the instructions, put on a tux & nice dress, light some candles...haha...ok, maybe not quite those last two, but you get the idea. Instead though, it turned in to a rushed event that felt like a wham, bam, thank you mam...and left me feeling itchy and a little sore. Overall everything went pretty smooth...we uncapped the lupron, wiped the top with an alcohol wipe, inserted the syringe, drew up the medicine (quite a bit squirted out at this point from pulling it out with out turning the vial of lupron back upright..oops!), wiped my belly with another alcohol wipe and stuck me. It didn't really hurt or anything...the needle, thankfully is very little, but afterwards it was all red and definitely itchy. Luckily that went away within about a half an hour, and now I'm feeling totally normal and ready for the next one! And to celebrate, Jacob and I have decided to treat ourselves to some ice cream tonight...yum!

After today I don’t, by any stretch of the imagination, think this is going to be fun or easy, but atleast I have comfort that it is possible…and that Jacob and I are in it together! So now we are finally on our way!! And with the first hurdle down I’ve changed our countdown to the next one…the egg retrieval (ER)!

ER Countdown: ~23 Days!!!

"If God Leads you to it, he'll lead you through it"

It's hard to believe that we've come this far...that this Thursday we "officially" start the beginning of our IVF cycle. It's unbelievable really to think back on how long this journey has been and the twists and turns we've made along the way. It's crazy for me to even think that we've arrived at this place. I think I've always assumed...even after we started going to the RE...that it wouldn't ever actually come to IVF for us. For whatever reason, from the beginning of our treatments I was sure that the third IUI cycle was going to be as far as we would ever have to go. And when we did become pregnant that cycle I was amazed that my gut feeling was coming true! But with the loss that came shortly thereafter I think I was all the more in shock that my hope of getting by only partially scathed was no longer going to be an option. Now we're here and my emotions are all over the place...one second I'm excited and hopeful and the next I'm on edge and discouraged...and I haven't even started the meds yet! Haha...poor Jacob is really going to have his hands full! I know that we're here for a reason...that God knows what he's doing...that there is some greater plan...whether it's to strengthen the relationship between Jacob and I (probably not until after my emotional rollercoaster ends...haha), or to give us a greater appreciation and love for the children we will have, or because our children were destined to come as a pair *smile*, or to draw us ever closer to him as we stumble along the path of infertility. Who knows...I'm confident someday it will become clear, but for now I'm just going to have faith.

And as our countdown has dwindled to 4 short days till the shots begin, my head reels with possibilities. I know, without a doubt, this next month is going to be a challenging one. I just hope and pray that we will endure and that it will result in fulfilling the strong desire of our hearts to have a child. Being the control freak that I am (hey we all have our vices right *grin*) I'm going to attempt to do something my Mom once told me..."To let go, to let God." So as we await all the unknowns just around our corner I found this prayer on Beliefnet that I think is very appropriate…

"Thank you Lord, for all the blessings in my life. Help me to remember them as I face the challenges of infertility. I pray that I can surrender myself into your hands. Let me accept the reality of this situation and have the wisdom and courage to take action where I can. Strengthen my body, mind and spirit to endure the trials of infertility. Keep me ever mindful of the needs of others and grant us your peace. Amen."

And I guess with that...more to come Thursday!!

Just in the nick of time!

Sorry if this is TMI, but “Aunt flo” finally arrived last night in all her glory…and not a second too soon! I’ve been stressing all week about it because if I’m not on birth control by August 13th our cycle would have to be postponed. I was supposed to start last Sunday, but nothing! And as the week dragged on, day after day I was getting more and more anxious about her timely disappearing act. Even yesterday at acupuncture, Christine needled what she called “every blood point” on the body assuring me that my period would come, but as the day went on I wasn’t so sure. Mary (our temporary coordinator in Dr. Ahlering’s office) had just called in a prescription for me for Provera, but apparently that was all it took because right after picking it up last night (and before even getting a chance to take it) she appeared! I NEVER thought I’d be so excited to start my period…haha!! I’m just thankful that I don’t have to start off the IVF cycle by putting yet another hormone in my body…and that it was able to arrive on its own!

So I guess that makes it finally official…start birth control (check), make final payment to SIRM (check), order medications (check), fill out all the legal forms (check…well almost) *grin* And that brings me to my next story for the week…in order to go through with IVF at SIRM you have to complete a stack of papers detailing that you understand the process, that you won’t sue them, and what you would like them to do with your embryos if you were to die….WAIT…WHAT?? That’s right, we had to sign papers stating what we would like to do with our teeny tiny little babies if there was an unfortunate chain of events and one or both of us were to end up in heaven before we had the chance to grow them in my belly! This is a pretty morbid discussion…and not really one you want to have as you’re preparing to be creating life…the last thing on your mind is really the thought of one ending! But, it is one they force upon you and I understand why, but here comes the issue…on the line where it asks the unsettling question of what to do with the embryos should both of us perish there is only one option…to destroy them. So obviously we will not agree to that…after all we believe as soon as it’s an embryo it’s a baby! Jacob kindly informed the nurse yesterday “it’s like it’s a five year old child…you would never ask us to destroy our five year old if something were to happen to us, so how can you expect us to agree to this.” She tried to empathize with us and said she understood the predicament, but if we weren’t going to sign it we would have to have a will drawn up stating what we would like done with them. So we’ve been searching online to see if we can create it that way instead of actually hiring an expensive lawyer. I found a site called Write Your Own Will that seems like it will work, but Jacob is going to check it out to make sure it’s legit. I also have a few lawyers in the family, so I may see if they can help verify that it will work…since various states have different laws. So we’ll see what happens, but we need to get a move on because my baseline appointment where we’re supposed to present it, is August 27th and that will be here before we know it!

Shot countdown: 12 Days!