"If God Leads you to it, he'll lead you through it"

It's hard to believe that we've come this far...that this Thursday we "officially" start the beginning of our IVF cycle. It's unbelievable really to think back on how long this journey has been and the twists and turns we've made along the way. It's crazy for me to even think that we've arrived at this place. I think I've always assumed...even after we started going to the RE...that it wouldn't ever actually come to IVF for us. For whatever reason, from the beginning of our treatments I was sure that the third IUI cycle was going to be as far as we would ever have to go. And when we did become pregnant that cycle I was amazed that my gut feeling was coming true! But with the loss that came shortly thereafter I think I was all the more in shock that my hope of getting by only partially scathed was no longer going to be an option. Now we're here and my emotions are all over the place...one second I'm excited and hopeful and the next I'm on edge and discouraged...and I haven't even started the meds yet! Haha...poor Jacob is really going to have his hands full! I know that we're here for a reason...that God knows what he's doing...that there is some greater plan...whether it's to strengthen the relationship between Jacob and I (probably not until after my emotional rollercoaster ends...haha), or to give us a greater appreciation and love for the children we will have, or because our children were destined to come as a pair *smile*, or to draw us ever closer to him as we stumble along the path of infertility. Who knows...I'm confident someday it will become clear, but for now I'm just going to have faith.

And as our countdown has dwindled to 4 short days till the shots begin, my head reels with possibilities. I know, without a doubt, this next month is going to be a challenging one. I just hope and pray that we will endure and that it will result in fulfilling the strong desire of our hearts to have a child. Being the control freak that I am (hey we all have our vices right *grin*) I'm going to attempt to do something my Mom once told me..."To let go, to let God." So as we await all the unknowns just around our corner I found this prayer on Beliefnet that I think is very appropriate…

"Thank you Lord, for all the blessings in my life. Help me to remember them as I face the challenges of infertility. I pray that I can surrender myself into your hands. Let me accept the reality of this situation and have the wisdom and courage to take action where I can. Strengthen my body, mind and spirit to endure the trials of infertility. Keep me ever mindful of the needs of others and grant us your peace. Amen."

And I guess with that...more to come Thursday!!