Bye, Bye First Trimester!

And boy oh boy was it a wild one!  We went to our ultrasound on August 19th and saw one perfect little baby...saw and heard the heartbeat...doctor said everything looked great!  Phew...we started getting excited!  Although all that excitement turned to terror when I got home not even an hour later and started bleeding.  At first I thought maybe it was just from the lovely ultrasound "wand" since it was an internal ultrasound, but then it got heavier and hope turned to devastation as I was sure this was the beginning of the end.  We rushed to the ER after calling the triage at my OB's office and prepared ourselves for the worst.  It was just so strange...seeing our perfect little one just an hour before...how could this be happening?  They did a pelvic exam and with the amount of blood lost the ER doctor declared he was pretty positive it was a miscarriage and that we should go home and just call my OB in the morning.  He went to talk to my OB since she was on call that night and thankfully she was able to pull some strings and get me an ultrasound that night.  And miracle of miracles the ultrasound showed our baby was still in there and doing great!  It turns out the blood was coming from a clot between the placenta and my lining called a "Subchorionic Hemorrhage." I couldn't stop crying...to believe it was over and then to get such wonderful news was amazing!  God had blessed us again. The next week was really rough...three days later we were back in the ER with another major bleed...it almost felt like my water broke, but was a rush of blood.  Once again fear dominated while we prayed that another miracle would be granted us...and it was.  God is so good!!

Over the next few weeks my OB said it was touch and go.  I had four ultrasounds during my eighth week of pregnancy all showing the bleed getting bigger.  And had an ultrasound every week for the next few.  Thankfully my Mom was able to come in and help out, especially when they put me on bed rest...and it worked.  The clot is almost gone.  My cramping and bleeding has stopped and baby is growing perfectly.

Tomorrow I will be 14 weeks...the first day of the second trimester.  We are feeling hopeful and praying for a much quieter second and third trimester and that God will continue to wrap his arms around me and our tiny perfect little baby.  And that we will be blessed with the newest addition to our family next spring!

Finally!!!!

Ultrasound day!!  I thought this day would never come!  I'm so excited and so nervous!!  Lots and lots of prayers please :o)

Flashbacks...

Having a miscarriage is one of the worst things I have ever endured...having two about broke me in half, but one of the worst things about losing a baby is that it never really leaves your heart.  It basically robs you of the joy of being pregnant in that I'm so scared to get excited at this point I've mostly been trying to pretend I'm not pregnant...how sad is that :o(  I don't want to think about names, don't want to day dream about decorating a nursery (my absolute like favorite thing in the world to do!), I don't want to wander past cute baby clothes in the store, don't want to see other baby bumps...it's like going through the pain of infertility all over again, except now I am AM pregnant!  It makes me sad.  I just want to celebrate and shout it from the roof tops, but my head keeps telling me...don't make a move, let's just wait and see and make sure everything looks ok first.

And tomorrow I will be 7 weeks pregnant...the 7th week was when I had the last miscarriage.  And I am feeling more positive about this one...I feel more pregnant than last time...but last time I was completely blindsided when I started bleeding...so how can I not be worried?  Because I know it can happen in an instant with no warning at all.  Just about every time I go to the bathroom now I am freaking out that there might be some blood and I have a horrible flashback to that gut wrenching night in Belgium when our baby was no longer with us.  I don't want to relive that terrible memory ever again, but it's engrained in my heart and keeps mocking me with the uncertainty of the future of our little ones.  Every day...I breathe a sigh of relief that we made it through another day...that we are one step closer to completing our family!

I just pray that this is it!  That the baby (or babies) in my belly are in it for the long haul and we don't ever have to struggle with infertility again.  I know that God is the only one who can see us through this and bring us out on the other side stronger and ready to put the pain to rest.

Countdown to ultrasound: 6 days!!!!